


Rapture

by Clytemnestrasrevenge



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, BDSM Training, Begging, Biting, Blow Jobs, Bondage and Discipline, Consensual Sex, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Edgeplay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Flogging, Hand Jobs, Intercrural Sex, Kink Negotiation, Lingerie, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Painplay, Praise Kink, Punishment, Restraints, Rimming, Rough Body Play, Rough Oral Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Tapes, Sex Toys, Slut Shaming, Strangers to Lovers, Voyeurism, primal, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:20:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clytemnestrasrevenge/pseuds/Clytemnestrasrevenge
Summary: “If you want to stop, say red.”(AKA: that one where Jaehwan wanted to explore himself, explore the world of kink, and Sanghyuk was more than happy to help him.)
Relationships: Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Comments: 46
Kudos: 120





	1. Shiver

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be following the principle of "Safe, sane and consensual", commonly abbreviated as "SSC", which means that everything is based on safe activities, that all participants be of sufficiently sound/sane mind to consent, and that all participants do consent. 
> 
> I’ve seen (and written 🙃) a lot of bdsm that’s sort of... fetishized isn’t the right word, but sort of romanticized or so overly fantasized that it’s turned into something dark or ugly or toxic or abusive. And that’s really not necessarily the truth of what bdsm and kink are about. So I wanted to approach this from more of a technical, professional perspective so people can understand how it works in real day to day life. Like really highlight the positive impact it can have on a person and how it helps with introspection and really learning about who you are as a person (be that as a dom, sub, or switch.)
> 
> Bdsm, when presented correctly, can be a really beautiful thing, so I hope that idea translates well into my writing lolol.
> 
> If you have a specific kink you'd like me to explore, don't hesitate to let me know in the comments or through dm! This is a rare case when I do actually have the plot (what little there is of it) and chapters outlined, but I can always use suggestions.

⟻---------------⟼

⟻---------------⟼

“Han Sanghyuk?”

“That’s me.”

Jaehwan felt like he was about to die. The truth of how ridiculous a position he’d put himself in had finally hit him. Just like that. Like a fucking semi-truck to the face. 

And there was Han Sanghyuk, a student in the life drawing class he was TA’ing and a fucking certified dime piece, blinking up at him through those thick lashes Jaehwan had dreamed about on more than one occasion. He was only able to look up at Jaehwan because he was sitting and Jaehwan was standing, but that didn’t last long because Sanghyuk got to his feet almost at once. 

Jaehwan just stood there, like an idiot, really trying not to faint. He didn’t know whether to go in for a handshake or a hug or just sit down. Sanghyuk was practically a stranger after all. The decision was taken out of his hands, thank god. 

“Can I hug you?”

“Sure!” A lot squeakier and over enthusiastic sounding than Jaehwan had been aiming for, but at least he’d achieved verbal communication. Sanghyuk’s arm slipped around his middle in a gentle one-armed hug that Jaehwan hesitantly returned. 

“It’s nice to see you outside of class.”

“Yeah-“ Jaehwan nearly choked on his spit, “It’s nice to see you too.”

So, let’s run through how Jaehwan got here, shall we?

Jaehwan is a virgin. A twenty-four-year-old virgin. This is a fact that he finds _less_ than acceptable. 

And it wasn’t for lack of trying on his part, either. He’d had three pretty _ehh_ relationships, all of which led nowhere, after which he’d basically let go of himself and focused on schoolwork so he could get his degree without losing his scholarship. Jaehwan didn’t have time for parties or drunken hookups, not when he had loans to worry about and a GPA to keep up. 

He’d tried hookups a few times, but both hookup attempts had been disastrous. First, the guy who took Jaehwan back to his apartment had been too drunk to get it up and ended up passing out on the kitchen floor. (Jaehwan had decided to leave before his prospective partner had woken up, but he’d taken one of the ‘cans of wine’ he’d been promised on his way out. As repayment for his time or something.) And the second guy had wanted him to top. Which would have been fine if Jaehwan realized that was the plan earlier, but he hadn't, and by the time they’d finished talking everything out the mood had been ruined and Jaehwan had just wanted to go home. Not that he was opposed to communication, but he hadn’t needed a lecture. That dude had been a _talker._

So, with those two utter _disasters_ under his belt, Jaehwan had entered grad school with a double degree in drama and fine art, as well as a very lonely dick. He’d gotten a sloppy hand job in the bathroom during an art department mixer, but that was it. Lackluster track record at best. 

But then, like a winged angel of mercy, his best friend Hakyeon had introduced him to The App. The App, which shall remain nameless, styled itself as _‘A service to connect like-minded adults for professional power exchange relationships’._ Because this was another thing Jaehwan had to deal with. The craving to submit. He wasn’t good at initiating, never had been, and he liked being told what to do. Liked knowing that there would be consequences for misbehaving. Liked the thought of someone else being in control. He wanted the structure and the adrenaline rush and just the intimacy in general. And your average garden variety frat boy couldn’t provide that for Jaehwan. 

So, he’d been dabbling in chatting on The App, matched with a few older men just there for a sugar baby, but Jaehwan wasn’t looking for that kind of relationship. He’d talked to a man who wanted to pay him ten grand to do water sports and again, while that was fine, it wasn’t what Jaehwan was in the market for. And then Sanghyuk appeared. Completely out of the blue. He’d just popped up on Jaehwan’s screen last Thursday night. 

Jaehwan hadn’t even recognized Sanghyuk until he’d walked into class yesterday. He’d nearly walked smack _into_ Sanghyuk, actually, and then he’d looked up into that little smile that Sanghyuk always flashed him and Jaehwan had gone into a cold sweat. And he’d stayed in that cold sweat for the entire two-and-a-half hour class duration, remembering, thinking back to all the _very_ personal things he’d told Sanghyuk over chat. Because he’d been stupid and reckless and let himself ramble to a total stranger. 

If Sanghyuk had felt anything about having his TA shout a list of fetishes and fantasies at him for three consecutive nights, he hadn’t shown it. He just kept flashing Jaehwan those little smiles until class was over. And then he’d asked Jaehwan out for coffee. Completely calm and composed while Jaehwan had felt like his heart was going to literally explode. 

So, that is how Jaehwan got here. A self-proclaimed Sad Virgin (TM) with urges to experiment, entirely enveloped by his undergrad crush in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. 

“Have a seat.”

Jaehwan shut his eyes for a breath, just _living_ in the tone of Sanghyuk’s voice. He didn’t think he’d ever heard it sound quite so rich before. 

Sanghyuk had moved back around the table and sat down, just watching as Jaehwan dropped on the wobbly wooden chair provided. His legs must have turned to jelly, that was the only explanation for why he felt on the edge of collapse. Now that he thought about it, Jaehwan’s whole body felt numb. Maybe he was having a stroke. What were the signs of a stroke again?

“I got you a drink, you seem like the type to like sweets,” Sanghyuk said, his voice back to normal. He pushed something pink and positively covered in whipped cream across the tiny table and Jaehwan snatched it up. Like a greedy fucking child or some gremlin weirdo. Was he having a panic attack? Or an out of body experience? Or was he just nervous? 

“Thank you, what do I owe you,” Jaehwan replied as an afterthought, his mouth full of what turned out to be a strawberry Frappuccino. Sanghyuk waved him off and Jaehwan took another sip. That turned out to be a mistake. “It’s my treat. But I wanted to discuss the things you told me about in more depth.”

Jaehwan choked a bit and did his best not to spit strawberry cream all over the table. He swallowed hard, keeping his eyes resolutely fixed on his own hands. “We can’t talk about that in a Starbucks,” Jaehwan whispered. Utterly mortified at the very thought. This whole situation was mortifying. Jaehwan was going to die of embarrassment. 

“Well now that you have your drink, do you want to go somewhere more private and talk?” Sanghyuk asked. He’d leaned back in his chair, one of his knees visible over the edge of the table and Jaehwan fixated on that little spot of denim. He sat in the way large men tended to sit, Jaehwan had noticed that before in class, taking up space. “Or you can take your drink and go, and I’ll see you in class. That’s an entirely acceptable option.”

“No!” Jaehwan squeaked, lifting a hand and running it through his hair. He wasn’t just going to give up this opportunity because of the mere _suggestion_ of embarrassment. He’d wanted this for so long, and now that he’d found someone who seemed so compatible (even only through chatting for a short time), he wasn’t just going to walk away. Jaehwan was a grown man. He could have a mature, adult conversation. Just not in the fucking campus Starbucks. 

Jaehwan cleared his throat, sweetness lingering on his pallet when he felt sure enough to talk. Sanghyuk didn’t rush him which was much appreciated. “No, I want to talk to you. We can go to my office if you want.”

Jaehwan’s office, a water closet in the basement of the art building, was the first location he’d thought of. He wasn’t going to take Sanghyuk to his apartment, because Sanghyuk was a stranger. And he certainly wasn’t going to go to Sanghyuk’s place, wherever that was, because again, Sanghyuk was a stranger. But, Sanghyuk was one of his students, so having a meeting in his office wouldn’t be frowned upon. Even if the subject matter absolutely _would_ be. 

The walk back to the art building was quiet, but not necessarily an uncomfortable kind of quiet. Sanghyuk put a hand on his back every now and then, opened doors like a goddamn gentlemen, even caught Jaehwan when he nearly tripped over his giant sneakers because he was staring straight ahead so hard, he forgot that curbs exist. 

Something that Jaehwan was finding out was that Sanghyuk took up a lot of physical space. The office, calling it an office really was _generous_ because it was maybe six-foot by six-foot square, only had two folding metal chairs and a plastic desk that squeaked on the floor. And was mostly now occupied by Sanghyuk’s physical form. Jaehwan was having trouble breathing. 

“Relax, I’m not going to bend you over the desk, I just wanna talk,” Sanghyuk said with a little laugh, lifting his cup of what looked like an iced americano to his lips and sipping it through a straw. 

Jaehwan bit his lip. It felt like he’d swallowed his tongue. 

“Look at me.”

Jaehwan’s eyes snapped forward before he even realized he’d complied. “Who even are you? Where did you come from?” he asked, so flustered by the command that the words just leapt out of his mouth.

“I’m Han Sanghyuk. I told you I was an art student, although I thought you knew that already considering you’re my TA. Unless I’m really so unremarkable that you didn’t notice me.”

Cocky. Not overtly but the undertones and his voice were _so_ fucking cocky, Jaehwan thought, blinking at this human being in complete and total bafflement. “Of course, I noticed you, you’re fucking gorgeous! But why were you on that app? I didn’t even connect you with the hot guy in my class!”

Sanghyuk grinned. And it was such a sweet and boyish grin that Jaehwan nearly melted into a puddle on the floor. His emotions were really flying all over the place, this was so painfully jarring. 

“You think I’m gorgeous?”

“Yes.” Jaehwan glared back at that stupid adorable grin, only earning a soft laugh for his trouble. 

“You’re very cute.”

“Thank you.”

_Flustered_ didn’t even touch it anymore. Jaehwan was astral projecting, he must be. Nobody had ever focused on him this hard. Not when he was doing a presentation, not even when he was on stage! Sanghyuk’s focus was _entirely_ on Jaehwan, or he thought it was. It certainly _felt_ like it was. And Jaehwan was so used to needing to seek attention or do something purposeful to get people around him to pay attention to him that having this, whatever this was, had shaken him. 

Was it really just that Sanghyuk wanted him to talk? Nobody ever wanted him to talk, people always wanted him to shut up. It really couldn’t be as simple as that. Surely. He wasn’t _that_ attention hungry, was he? 

“You told me over chat but that's different than face to face, so tell me again, what do you like?” Sanghyuk asked, taking another sip of his drink. 

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, what do you think you like?”

Jaehwan hesitated for a heartbeat. He’d already typed all of this so it shouldn’t be so hard to say out loud. “Hair pulling, breath play, hitting, m-marks...” he trailed off, hating the way his tongue had stumbled over the consonant. 

Sanghyuk just nodded. Listening intently.

“And what kind of relationship are you looking for?”

Jaehwan’s lip was going to start bleeding he was biting it so hard. Sanghyuk was right, it was _very_ different talking about this when he could feel Sanghyuk’s knee brushing his under the desk. “A boyfriend. Or a dominant. Or just- I don’t know, I want to take care of someone and have someone take care of me. Like structure. And touching.”

That probably didn’t make sense. Jaehwan needed to focus. 

Sanghyuk sat up a bit, no longer slouching in that ‘large man’ position and extending a hand with palm up. “Touch?”

Jaehwan blinked. He wanted to just ignore it, well he didn’t but it seemed a bit... but it was a sweet gesture. With a little more hesitancy than he would have liked, Jaehwan laid his hand on top of Sanghyuk’s. It was nice, feeling someone else’s body heat. 

“So, a dominant and a boyfriend aren’t the same thing. Not to say that the two don’t work together but BDSM doesn’t mean sex. Actually, mixing scenes or play sessions with sex is a pretty personal thing. Some people do it, some people keep them entirely separate,” Sanghyuk said, shifting his hand around and lacing their fingers together. The contact was grounding and it was helping stop Jaehwan from spiraling into a frantic well of mental chaos. 

“If you just want a boyfriend, that’s a different story, but you mentioned several kinks when we were chatting, so I assume you did a bit of research into what a d/s relationship is.”

Jaehwan nodded, he had done _copious_ amounts of research. Maybe _boyfriend_ was the wrong word. “Dominant,” he corrected, watching Sanghyuk’s thumb run up and down the side of his index finger. “I was looking for a dominant. I thought that is what you are.”

“I am. I’m a top dominant,” Sanghyuk replied. He sounded so calm, how could he sound so _calm_ talking about this when he and Jaehwan had only ever exchanged a handful of words face to face before?!

“Good, that’s good,” Jaehwan mumbled, feeling the word vomit coming back up again. 

“I’m a virgin.”

“That’s okay.”

Jaehwan blinked. 

“Is that what you’re really looking for? A dominant to take your V card?” Still calm, not a drop of judgement in Sanghyuk’s tone. Jaehwan felt his ears growing warm. 

“No? Maybe? I don’t know, I’m not opposed to a one-off, or you call it a scene I think, just like a... like a hookup. But I wanted to learn more, I guess, just experiment with someone who knows what they’re doing.” There we go, that was the phrasing Jaehwan had been aiming for the first time. 

“Well, I _do_ know what I’m doing. And I think you’re smart to seek out a partner with experience rather than just charging into the fetish scene blind. Not that there’s anything wrong with trying new things but some people can be... things can be dangerous if you fall into the wrong crowd or don’t know what red flags to look for,” Sanghyuk nodded. 

Jaehwan sat in silence for a moment, thinking all of this over. Was he ready for this? Was he ready to jump into something that could potentially be so detrimental to him, either emotionally or physically? Something that could bring him so much... good? He _was_ ready, Jaehwan decided, looking down at his and Sanghyuk’s clasped hands. It would be good for him. He was ready. 

“So, you’ll do it with me?” Jaehwan asked, raising his eyes to meet Sanghyuk’s. They’d discussed it over chat, and Sanghyuk had said he would, but it definitely seemed like the kind of thing that needed to be asked again. 

“Do what?”

Jaehwan blinked some more. “You know... _it.”_

“Say it,” Sanghyuk murmured, his head tilting to the side almost imperceptibly, dark eyes piercing Jaehwan like a pair of razors. Breath hanging in the air between them. Anticipation glinting in his gaze. “Tell me.”

“I, uhh, I want you to dominate me,” Jaehwan swallowed, mouth dry. 

Sanghyuk gave his hand a little squeeze and smiled. “Good boy. Communication is super important so learning how to verbalize your wants and needs is a skill you’re going to have to learn,” he said, pulling his phone from the pocket of his jeans and clicking around. Jaehwan shivered a little at the praise. 

“Well, go ahead then! Dominate me!” Jaehwan tugged at Sanghyuk’s hand to try and get his attention back, not understanding the quiet laugh he got in return. “That’s not how this is going to work. Communication, remember? A lot of negotiation goes into a scene, expectations and rules and limits. Safe words. What’s your email?”

Jaehwan’s eyes widened. His strawberry drink had begun to melt but he took a sip anyway. Just for something to do. He hadn’t been lying when he said he wanted to experiment, and he wanted to start immediately! Wanted to get up and walk around the desk and sit down on his new friend’s lap. Wanted to kiss him. Wanted to let Sanghyuk take him apart right then and there. 

“Why do you need it? And why can’t we start now?”

Sanghyuk paused, looking up from his phone long enough to give Jaehwan one of those eye-stabbing stares. “I’m going to send you a list, and I want you to research what’s on it. Learn the terms and what they mean. Make your own list of things you want to try, and one of things you don’t, and then send it back to me. So, unless you want me to send a kink list to your school email...”

“Chopper0406. At gmail.”

A single raised eyebrow. 

“Don’t judge me,” Jaehwan pouted, freeing his hand from Sanghyuk’s loose grip and shifting on his chair. Sanghyuk clicked around for a moment more and then put his phone away, watching Jaehwan squirm. “I’m not _judging_ you. It’s cute.”

Jaehwan scrunched his nose, unsure what to do now. Unsure how to ask for what he wanted in a way that wouldn’t result in a lecture. 

“I want- uhh, a demonstration. Just so I know what I’m getting myself into. Like a test run.”

Sanghyuk tilted his head again, blinking slow. The silence that followed Jaehwan’s words was stretching on and Jaehwan desperately wanted to take it back all of a sudden. It felt like he’d done something wrong. 

“What kind of demonstration?”

Jaehwan swallowed. “I don’t know, a kiss? If you want to, obviously, if you don’t then that's okay I just- wanted to kiss you.”

More silence. 

“Come here.”

Jaehwan’s stomach had twisted itself into knots at this point but he managed to stand up, squeezing his way around the desk and pausing at Sanghyuk’s side. 

“Sit.”

Fingers trembling like he’d had too much caffeine, Jaehwan sat. It wasn’t a very dignified movement, but he ended up perched sideways on Sanghyuk’s lap, thighs squeezed tight together. 

“If you want to stop, say red.” 

“Okay,” Jaehwan squeaked, spontaneously forgetting what to do with his hands. He stared resolutely straight ahead, focusing on a chunk of plaster chipping off the wall opposite. That tone was back. Smoother and a touch deeper than Sanghyuk’s normal speaking voice, and it was making Jaehwan’s insides liquify. 

“Look at me, Jaehwan.” 

Again, Jaehwan’s eyes snapped to Sanghyuk immediately. He tried not to blink, not to shy away, to simply sit there and maintain eye contact. 

One of Sanghyuk’s hands slid up the back of his head, blunt nails grazing along his scalp and making him unconsciously shiver. He gripped the hair right above the nape of Jaehwan’s neck, not using enough force that it hurt, but firmly enough that Jaehwan couldn’t really turn his head in either direction. 

Sanghyuk turned Jaehwan’s head for him so they looked at each other dead on. Not moving closer and not pulling away, simply holding Jaehwan’s face maybe three inches from his own and staring. 

Just that simple thing was enough to turn Jaehwan on. Giving over control of his movement to someone else, even only the ability to turn his head, was _intoxicating._ He began to squirm a little, fingers twisting in his lap. 

“Stay still.”

It took all of Jaehwan’s concentration to stop his restless shifting around, but he managed it. 

“Good boy.”

The affirmation was accompanied by a sharp tug to Jaehwan’s hair and he accidentally whined. He clamped his jaw shut, heat climbing up his face and neck with embarrassment. Sanghyuk almost smiled. Jaehwan could tell. He pursed his lips but that telltale twitch at the corner of his mouth was enough of a giveaway. 

“You want to kiss me?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan breathed, blood pounding in his ears. 

“Go ahead then.”

Sanghyuk knew very well that Jaehwan couldn’t, not with the hand in his hair. But Jaehwan tried anyway. Each time he tried to move forwards, Sanghyuk matched him, pulling him away and holding him still so Jaehwan’s head barely moved an inch in either direction. 

It was infuriating and frustrating and perfect. Sanghyuk’s mouth was right there but Jaehwan couldn’t reach it. He wanted to just grab Sanghyuk by the ears and plant one on him but that, even with Jaehwan’s very limited knowledge and experience, seemed like a bad idea. He was supposed to be a submissive so he should act submissive. 

Jaehwan finally gave up on his struggle and went still, lips pouting and forehead scrunching up between his eyebrows. “Please,” he mumbled, pressing his palms into the fabric of his jeans to stop them from twitching. 

One of Sanghyuk’s fingers uncurled and he scratched lightly at Jaehwan’s scalp, the way people scratched a dog behind its ears. Jaehwan almost purred. 

“Please what?”

“Please kiss me,” Jaehwan sighed, unsure whether he should add a title or not. He remembered seeing preferred titles on Sanghyuk’s profile but from his research, it seemed like titles were something that needed to be negotiated like everything else and he decided against just throwing out a _daddy_ or _sir_ without discussing it first. But he did add another “Please,” just to be safe. 

Still holding his head still, Sanghyuk leaned in close enough that Jaehwan could feel the heat of his breath fanning across his lips. He couldn’t look away, couldn’t break eye contact, even if he’d wanted to. Sanghyuk’s gaze would have held him frozen even if the hand in his hair had vanished. 

Then lips were being pressed to his. It was a gentle kiss, almost chaste, mouth closed and barely any pressure, but Jaehwan delighted in it. He let his eyes fall shut, humming with pleasure, brain swimming in the mild adrenaline hit no doubt brought on by the build-up. The anticipation. 

“Good boy,” Sanghyuk murmured, releasing Jaehwan’s hair and slipping his arms around Jaehwan’s waist instead. Just sitting and hugging. 

Jaehwan took that as his queue to relax as well and he slumped a little, resting his head in the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck. 

“Even after a short or low impact scene, aftercare is really important, so just take a minute to cool off. Physical affection can be helpful if it works for you,” he continued, cheek pressing against the top of Jaehwan’s head. Sanghyuk was right, it did feel nice just being held. “How was that?”

“Good,” Jaehwan whispered, nosing gently at Sanghyuk’s neck. Inhaling his smell. “Super good.”

They stayed like that for another minute or so, Jaehwan luxuriating in the feeling of Sanghyuk’s warmth pressed up against him before slowly getting to his feet. 

Sanghyuk checked his phone. “I have a lecture in twenty minutes so I should probably get going. But look over the list and we can meet up again once you send me one you feel comfortable with, sound good?”

Jaehwan nodded. Their next meetup couldn’t come soon enough in his opinion. 

  
  



	2. Claim

**From:** Hsh75@gmail.com

 **To:** Chopper0406@gmail.com

(Received Tuesday, 1/7/20)

**Subject:** Lists

(Attachments: KinkList.Docx, MyYesAndNo.Docx, StiTestResultsAug2019.PDF)

Have a look at get back to me. Btw, if you want a reference you can talk to someone I’ve played with recently. His name is Jung Taekwoon. Texting and calling are both fine and his number is *********. 

\- SH

⟻---------------⟼

**From:** Chopper0406@gmail.com

 **To:** Hsh75@gmail.com

(Sent Thursday, 1/9/20)

**Subject:** Re:Lists

(Attachments: MyPreferences.docx, StiTestResultsJan2020.PDF)

See you sooooooon 

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

⟻---------------⟼

**You:**

**Sent at 9:37 pm**

_‘hi are you Jung taekwoon? Han Sanghyuk put me in touch with you, he said it was ok to text’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:37 pm**

_‘Hey...’_

_‘Hyuk mentioned u might reach out.’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:37 pm**

_‘yeah lolol’_

_‘so he said you were a reference and I don’t rele wanna know any details of what you two did I just wanna make sure he isn’t a crazy person whos gunna kidnap me or murder me or anything! Lolol’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:37 pm**

_‘Wow, you really hate punctuation.’_

_‘But no, he’s not going to kidnap you or murder you. He’s very respectful and good with communication both before and during a scene, and he’s good about keeping to whatever was negotiated.’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:38 pm**

_‘well thats good to hear lolololll he seems rele nice and fun soooooooo good!!!’_

_‘is heeeee’_

_‘uhhhh’_

_‘harsh’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:38 pm**

_‘I thought you didn’t want to know details?’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:38 pm**

_‘just that one little detail’_

_‘if u wanna share of course please dont feel the need to share more than ur comfortable with’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:38 pm**

_‘I mean his role is to be harsh sometimes, but he’ll only be as harsh as you want him to be. And however harsh he may be he always makes up for it in aftercare. He’s great with aftercare.’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:38 pm**

_‘◉_◉’_

_‘ok well thanks so much!!!! sorry for taking up your time but I super appreciate it’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:38 pm**

_‘No problem.’_

_‘Oh, just one more thing...’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:39 pm**

_‘ya?’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:39 pm**

_‘He’s going to get you to talk about what you want a lot but make sure to ask him about himself. He’s more sensitive than how he comes off. Doms need aftercare and reassurance.’_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:39 pm**

_‘≧☉_☉≦’_

_‘ok,,,, I never thought about that but I’m still new so thanks for telling me!!!’_

**Jung Taekwoon:**

**Received at 9:39 pm**

_‘No problem’_

⟻---------------⟼

Jaehwan slung his duffle bag over his shoulder and kicked the door of his car shut. Was the bag entirely necessary? No. But no one could ever call him under prepared. He’d printed out a copy of both his preference list and his test results (just in case Sanghyuk wanted a hard copy or something), unboxed all his Esty and amazon purchases and packed those, as well as thrown in the aftercare kit he’d made based on several forum recommendations. 

To say Jaehwan was nervous would be an understatement. He _was_ nervous, so nervous it felt like his heart was about to beat right out of his chest. But he was also excited. He didn’t know exactly what they had planned for today, but he’d gotten to know Sanghyuk better over the past week and a half. They’d gotten coffee two more times (not to discuss their arrangement but just to learn more about each other) and had texted almost nonstop. So, when Sanghyuk suggested that he come over this evening for their first session, Jaehwan had agreed without hesitation. 

The elevator in Sanghyuk’s building was broken. Not an auspicious start to the evening. 

Jaehwan dragged himself up four flights of stairs and down the hall to the door marked 403. It was a relatively nice place, this building. The kind of place Jaehwan could picture young couples living after their honeymoons. All neat and pristine with earth tone paint and stiffly woven carpet. Jaehwan liked it. 

He raised a hand, took a breath, and knocked twice. Jaehwan hadn’t told Sanghyuk about his preparations. Wanting it to be a surprise of sorts. Wanting to show that he really had done his research and was ready for anything. He hoped Sanghyuk wouldn’t be angry. 

“Coming!” he heard, the voice a bit muffled through the wooden door but easily recognizable as his friends. 

Sanghyuk yanked the door open before Jaehwan had a chance to lower his hand. 

“Hey,” he said, slightly out of breath. Jaehwan gaped. Sanghyuk’s hair was all over the place, cheeks a bit flushed like he’d been exercising, and there was an apron over his button down. An _apron._

“Are you okay?” Jaehwan asked, eyeing his friend with mild concern. “And... did you just come from a business meeting or something?”

Sanghyuk grinned, that sweet boyish grin that Jaehwan already adored. “A bit? I had an interview for an internship. Come in.”

He ushered Jaehwan into what turned out to be a very cozy apartment. Sanghyuk had a few anime posters on the walls, as well as several family photos. His couch was giant and overstuffed, enormous tv playing some drama Jaehwan didn’t recognize, and something that smelled suspiciously like chicken floating out of the kitchenette. 

“I _uhh..._ I thought we were starting today,” Jaehwan said, setting his bag on the floor and trailing after Sanghyuk toward the tasty smells. 

“We are, but I’m hungry and you should have some protein.”

Grilled chicken turned out to be on the menu for dinner, along with plain steamed rice with dried seaweed flakes. Sanghyuk didn’t want Jaehwan to eat anything that might make him sick or feel too full. He wasn’t allowed any alcohol either. The question of “Beer?” Had been met with an icy stare and a short lecture and the importance of not playing when under the influence. Jaehwan saw the sense in both things, he supposed. 

“So, what’s in the bag? Are you planning on staying over?” Sanghyuk asked around a mouthful of chicken. Jaehwan had actually forgotten about his bag momentarily and he set down his fork, leaping out of his chair so fast, he nearly tripped. He also _had_ been planning to stay over, but the amused tone in Sanghyuk’s voice made Jaehwan unsure of whether he’d be welcome. 

He decided to ignore the sleepover aspect of the question entirely. “I’m ready for anything you throw at me,” he said, plopping down on the floor and pulling his duffle bag in front of him. A balled-up paper napkin collided with the side of his head, the surprise making him almost jump out of his skin. 

_“Very_ mature,” Jaehwan said with a glare. 

“Thank you.” Sanghyuk returned his glare with a smile. 

Sanghyuk got up from the table more slowly, moving to lean against the wall as he watched Jaehwan dump the entire contents of his bag onto the living room floor. 

“I got my aftercare kit, paperwork, collars, a flogger, two different types of cuffs, rope, blindfold, ball gag, cane, vibrator- wait why are you _laughing?!”_

Jaehwan felt his stomach twist like he’d done something wrong. He was already mentally preparing to bail and just leave all the stuff here if he’d made a fool of himself. Maybe he could get a new teaching assignment so he could just disappear and never have to see Sanghyuk ever again. He’d have to change his number probably but that shouldn’t be too hard. At least-

“Nothing, it’s just... you’re very _enthusiastic,”_ Sanghyuk replied, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. Jaehwan unconsciously pouted. He was subtly trying to shift around so he could bolt for the front door when Sanghyuk came to crouch at his side. “It’s cute.”

Mortification seemed like it was going to be a theme. Jaehwan’s face was getting warm and he hid it in one hand. “You don’t have to say that, I’ll go,” he whined, stuffing his things back into his bag with the other. “We can just pretend that none of this ever happened and you can move on and forget that you ever met me.”

“Jaehwan.”

Not a question. Jaehwan raised his eyes a bit to meet Sanghyuk’s, pulse thrumming in his throat. Aggravation with himself burned his stomach, embarrassment, sure in the knowledge that he’d messed up. Been too presumptuous. Gotten overexcited. 

“Jaehwan, you did a good job. It’s always better to be over prepared than underprepared,” Sanghyuk said gently, holding his arms open. Offering affection. He always did that, Jaehwan noticed, offered touch rather than just grabbing. It was a comforting little thing and Jaehwan appreciated it. 

He scooted a bit so he could lean against Sanghyuk’s chest, hiding the flush creeping up his face. Sanghyuk pet the back of his head and picked up one of the collars Jaehwan had impulsively bought. Black leather with a pretty green ribbon and a bow behind the O-ring. 

“This is pretty, do you want to try it on?”

Jaehwan had already tried it on. He’d tried all this stuff on (as best he could on his own) as soon as the packages arrived. But he wasn’t going to tell Sanghyuk that. He nodded silently, sitting up straight and letting Sanghyuk buckle it around his neck. Not as tightly as Jaehwan had done it. Loose enough to slip two fingers between the band and his skin. 

“Pretty boy in a pretty collar,” Sanghyuk said with a low laugh, giving the band a short tug. Short but sharp. 

Jaehwan’s heart leapt right back out of his stomach and into his throat at the bit of praise. It made him feel better. Even just the smallest bit. He fell forwards between Sanghyuk’s arms and latched around his neck, trying to use the contact to steady his nerves like he’d done before. It worked surprisingly well. 

“Your list said pet play was a maybe, but I think you should really consider it,” Sanghyuk said, rubbing up and down Jaehwan’s back with one of his large hands. “I think puppy space might be good for you. Do you want to finish dinner now?”

Jaehwan didn’t answer. He would think about it, but he just buried his face in the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck instead of speaking. He had his collar on now and he was getting the slightest bit impatient to start the main event. Dinner had been nice, but he wasn’t hungry anymore-

Fingers around his collar yanked Jaehwan back until he was sitting up straight. Sanghyuk looked at him with sparkly eyes, butterflies the size of hedgehogs fluttered in Jaehwan’s stomach. 

“Answer me when I’m speaking to you.”

“Sorry!” Jaehwan squeaked, trying not to panic and also trying not to notice the way the leather band pressed against his throat. Sanghyuk hadn’t let go, like he was waiting for something, but Jaehwan didn’t know what. He tried to stay as still as he possibly could, not breaking eye content no matter how much he wanted to drop his gaze to the floor. 

“Sorry _what?”_

Oh, _wow_ Jaehwan really was an idiot! They’d discussed this!

“Sorry sir.”

A few seconds more and Sanghyuk slipped his fingers free of the collar. “Good boy,” he hummed, petting Jaehwan’s cheek and helping the elder to his feet. 

“Come and sit back down. You don’t have to eat anything else if you don’t want to, but I think now is a good time to go over some ground rules.”

Jaehwan followed Sanghyuk with his eyes glued to the floor, bottom lip beginning to tremble. He _hated_ making mistakes. 

Once they were seated again, Sanghyuk took a folded square of paper from his pocket and slid it across the table. Handwritten instructions. He had cute handwriting. 

_GROUND RULES:_

_\- Sanghyuk will teach Jaehwan the position of the week on Monday. Jaehwan will practice it during the week and show it to Sanghyuk on Friday._

_\- As soon as Jaehwan arrives, he comes inside and puts on his collar. He will kneel just inside the hall with hands behind his back and eyes forward until Sanghyuk comes to get him._

_\- Jaehwan will always address Sanghyuk as Sir, unless otherwise specified._

_\- Jaehwan will send Sanghyuk a text before bed and a text when he wakes up. (Having a ritual like this is a constant reminder of your partners dominance and can be comforting.)_

_\- Jaehwan will get one warning for disobedience, and then a punishment for second transgression._

_\- Jaehwan will always use safe words when he needs to use them, even during a punishment._

“Do you have ground rules too, or just me?” Jaehwan asked, reading the paper through a second time. Nothing crazy or over the top. Doable. Sanghyuk watched him closely. “Do you want me to have some?”

Jaehwan thought for a moment and then nodded. It seemed like a thing they both should have, a little list of rules to make sure they were on the same page. Other than the contract of course. Separate from the contract. 

Sanghyuk blinked and then stood back up, motioning Jaehwan to stay as he walked into the little kitchen. There was a paper stuck to the fridge and he pulled it off. 

“I have ground rules. Not specific to you per say, but I do have them.” He flattened the paper out on the table next to Jaehwan’s plate, the other hand coming to rest on Jaehwan’s shoulder. 

_Daily reminders:_

_\- Practice mindfulness_

_\- Drink water_

_\- Always check in with sub to make sure they are ok after a scene_

_\- Learn from and about sub_

_\- Listen_

_\- Take care of yourself_

“Do you have a pen?”

Sanghyuk blinked but he nodded, leaving and coming back with a pen. Jaehwan took it and scrawled a bullet point at the end of Sanghyuk’s list. 

_\- Text Jaehwan back when he texts you good morning and good night._

“Now we both have a ritual,” Jaehwan said, capping the pen and nibbling a last bite of chicken. Sanghyuk scratched gently at his scalp. Smiling a tiny smile. Like he was proud.

“Go take a shower so your muscles can relax. Then we can start,” he replied, tapping the underside of Jaehwan’s chin before moving back to stick his list to the fridge. 

Sanghyuk was _really_ trying for him, Jaehwan thought, watching how the muscles on his back shifted under his shirt. They’d discussed what Jaehwan needed over the phone a few days after that first meeting, and Jaehwan had gone into more depth about how he knew he wanted a romantic element. How he didn’t care if Sanghyuk scened with anyone else as long as there wasn’t anything sexual involved. How he wanted to keep what was between them (or what could possibly be between them) private. 

And Sanghyuk had been understanding of that. He’d explained to Jaehwan that he wasn’t entirely used to mixing kink and romance but that he’d give it a shot. And he’d agreed on the monogamy issue which was a huge weight off Jaehwan’s shoulders. 

So there they were, Sanghyuk having cooked Jaehwan dinner in what was clearly an endearing attempt at meeting their romance quota before starting the proceedings. Jaehwan was grateful for it. Hugely grateful. 

“Thanks for feeding me Sa- sir, it was tasty,” he said quietly, managing to catch himself before he slipped up. He’d remembered Taekwoon’s words about doms needing reassurance as well and Jaehwan thought he saw a bit of tension leave Sanghyuk’s shoulders. 

“You're welcome. The bathroom is down the hall, through the bedroom, on the right.”

Jaehwan nodded to himself, since Sanghyuk wasn’t looking at him, and left the table. He snagged another surprise from his bag on the way down the hall. 

⟻---------------⟼

“I’m ready,” Jaehwan said, closing the bathroom door behind him and walking quickly back out to the living room. He’d resisted the _very_ strong urge to snoop and focused on the mission at hand. 

“Are you- _wow.”_

Jaehwan beamed. He couldn’t help it. The shorts of navy lace that were now the only thing covering him other than a tee shirt had garnered the attention he’d hoped they would. Sanghyuk was staring at him with his eyebrows raised and mouth hanging half open. Just sitting on the couch and staring. Jaehwan knew he looked good; these weren’t exactly a _new_ purchase. 

The attire had been a necessity in Jaehwan’s mind. All of the rest of this was still so foreign that he needed at least that one tiny bit of familiarity. The collar around his neck was still a strange weight but he was adjusting. Jaehwan was nothing if not adaptable. 

“Those shorts are lovely, but I’m going to give you the option to take them off. What we are going to do can feel very different over clothing rather than on bare skin,” Sanghyuk said, his voice dipping into that _special_ tone. He stood up and Jaehwan realized he’d changed clothes. The jeans were replaced with slacks and the white shirt had been exchanged for a black button down. Sleeves rolled up to the elbows, shiny dress shoes on his feet. 

Now it was Jaehwan’s turn to gape. “I’ll keep them on. You look _nice,_ sir,” he mumbled, tugging his cotton tee shirt down lower for something to do. He was starting to get fidgety. 

“Dressing the part helps me get into the right headspace,” Sanghyuk replied, doing that little pursed lipped smile as he approached. One hand settling on Jaehwan’s waist and the other around the back of his head. So, they were officially starting then. 

“We are going to be testing your tolerance tonight, figuring out what works for you,” Sanghyuk was saying, walking Jaehwan backwards down the hall. “Referring to your list of _yes’s,_ impact play, rough body play, spanking, flogging, and restraints.”

“That- that seems like a lot for the first time, sir,” Jaehwan breathed. His mind had begun to swim with images, Sanghyuk tying him up with pretty red rope, Sanghyuk bending him over his knee and spanking him, Sanghyuk manhandling him in a variety of different ways. All this spilling across Jaehwan’s consciousness in the span of three seconds. 

“I’m going to go easy on you but remember your safe words. Repeat them for me,” Sanghyuk said, looking over Jaehwan’s head and unlocking a door Jaehwan had walked past without noticing. 

“Green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop.”

“Good boy.”

The room they entered was... Jaehwan could only describe it as a playroom. Dark paint on every wall but one, that other one covered with a floor to ceiling mirror. There were what looked like mounting points on the ceiling and on one wall, and some shelves containing every single toy Jaehwan could imagine and some that he couldn’t. The lights were low, but he could clearly see what looked like a very normal bed on the other side of the room, as well as a small en suite bathroom. 

“I’m going to put on music, it will help you find a rhythm, okay? If it’s overwhelming just tell me and we can turn it off.”

“You’re very soft and accommodating for a dom, sir.” Sanghyuk was fiddling with an ancient looking iPod but he spun around at Jaehwan’s words. 

The music was quiet, sort of trancelike almost with a slow baseline. 

“You think I’m _soft?”_

One second Jaehwan was fidgeting in the middle of the room and the next he was being shoved roughly, his back colliding with the mirrored wall. A low hiss escaped Jaehwan, breath catching, feeling Sanghyuk’s hands pressing against his collarbones. The tops of his shoulders. 

“Consent isn’t a _joke_ to me, Jaehwan, no matter how small or insignificant the thing may seem to you. The wrong music can overwhelm you and throw you off mid scene which is something I don’t want to happen. Don’t mistake being considerate for weakness.”

Jaehwan gulped. “Sorry sir,” he whispered, not daring to raise his voice any higher. Not when Sanghyuk was looking at him like he wanted to _eat_ him. 

“Think before you speak,” was the only reply he got. Apology not accepted. Jaehwan wanted to cry and they hadn’t even fucking started. 

“Now, your research should have told you that what I just did is considered rough body play,” Sanghyuk said, carrying on like nothing had happened. Leaving Jaehwan panting against the wall. He managed a feeble “Yes sir.”

“Color?”

“Green.”

Sanghyuk shuffled things around on a high shelf and returned with a pair of black wrist cuffs. Velcro, not buckled or locked. Good for beginners, Jaehwan remembered. He chose not to comment on Sanghyuk’s consideration again. 

“Hold out your hands.”

Jaehwan took a breath and extended his arms out in front of him, hands open and palm up. It was a gesture of supplication, or he thought he remembered reading that somewhere. Sanghyuk seemed to like it because Jaehwan got a “Good boy,” and a little tap under his chin. 

With a nervous swallow, Jaehwan watched Sanghyuk wrap the Velcro straps around his wrists. They were tight but it didn’t feel too bad. A lot like wearing his wrist brace when his tendons got angry at him for typing too much. 

Sanghyuk pulled Jaehwan back into the center of the room. 

“Arms up.”

Jaehwan raised his hands above his head. The strap connecting the cuffs was looped around one of the hardpoints in the ceiling now, pulling his spine straight and heels a centimeter off the ground. 

“Now, we’re going to start with a warmup. I’m going to spank you three times and then you get a mark on a spot of your choice as a reward.”

Jaehwan held his breath without realizing he was holding it. His muscles were still relaxed from the hot shower, body feeling warm and slack, but he didn’t think that would make it hurt any less. But he _wanted_ it to hurt so he figured that should be alright. 

“Okay, sir.”

One of Sanghyuk's hands raised to Jaehwan's sternum and held there, whether intended to provide comfort or stop him swaying Jaehwan didn’t know. He waited and waited and waited, anticipation bubbling up in his stomach until it was almost unbearable, and then-

A burst of pain radiated out from Jaehwan’s right side like ripples on a pond. The stinging heat that sent him wavering like a willow in a high wind. 

“Color?”

“Green,” he gasped, twisting in his restraints so he could hold onto the strap at the top. Needing to hold on to something. Anything. 

The next smack came on his left, then the third on his right again. His skin stung and he could feel heat on both his ass cheeks, blood probably rushing there and turning his flesh red. He couldn’t decide whether the lace between Sanghyuk’s hand and his ass was making it better or worse. 

“Such a good boy,” Sanghyuk hummed, running his fingers through Jaehwan’s hair. His voice was soothing but his eyes on Jaehwan’s face were dark and sharp. “You get a reward for being so good. Where do you want your mark?”

Jaehwan struggled to think around the pain now slowly ebbing away, sharpening his thoughts and senses so they were more acute than usual. He tried to point to what he guessed would be a good spot but eventually remembered that he couldn’t move his hands. 

“Hip- hip bone, please sir.”

Sanghyuk eyed him for a heartbeat longer and then his face was just gone, he dropped so fast. One of those giant hands came around Jaehwan’s waist, up under the hem of his tee shirt and the other pulling the waistband of his shorts down a few inches or so. Jaehwan tried to look down and received a smack to the thigh, eyes flying back up and low hiss escaping from between his lips. 

Sanghyuk’s mouth on his skin made Jaehwan jump. Warm pressure that sent a bead of fire licking all the way up his spine and he whined, low in his throat. It was over much more quickly than Jaehwan would have liked. The wet seal of Sanghyuk’s mouth breaking away so he could go fetch a new toy. Jaehwan tried to picture what it would look like when he eventually saw himself in a mirror, bruises on his ass and a hickey on his hip.

“Now, I'm going to hit you three times with a paddle, and you can choose another spot.” The pull of Sanghyuk’s voice was strong, that mellifluous voice, and Jaehwan nodded.

“Okay sir.”

The paddle was worse. It was less of a _sting_ and more of an _impact,_ Jaehwan able to feel the force Sanghyuk was exerting all the way down to his bones. But he didn’t back out, the pull of the pain drawing him deeper inside himself. And he got a hickey on his rib cage as a reward. 

Three hits with a hairbrush almost got him, the _thud_ of each smack tenderizing him like raw meat. Jaehwan bit his lip so hard he tasted blood.

A mark on his inner thigh. 

The first time Sanghyuk hit him with a leather belt, the tears finally came. Pricking hot in the corners of his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He wasn’t crying because he was upset, the tears just sprang from him unbidden, an automatic reaction. And crying felt so fucking good. It was _liberating,_ letting all of his pent-up frustration and emotion pour out of him in clear, saline drops. 

He got a hickey on his neck for that one, Sanghyuk taking noticeably longer on it than the others. Whether because he was enjoying himself or because he was giving Jaehwan time to gather himself, Jaehwan had no clue. 

The crop was what finally took Jaehwan out of action. Mouth dry as dust and black spots swimming in his eyes, he managed to croak a “Yellow!” Face twisting as he tried to hold back his sobs and hands trembling with effort of holding on to his restraints. 

He felt a helpless trickle of fear, only for the briefest moment. Fear that Sanghyuk wouldn’t stop. Would keep him tied up in there and just keep hitting and hitting and-

Before he’d even completed the thought, Jaehwan heard the Velcro closures binding his wrists being opened. Oh yeah. Velcro. He could have gotten himself out of them if he’d wanted to. 

Jaehwan’s arms fell to his sides with a weak sort of thunk. Sanghyuk’s hands were on his face, cupping his cheeks. Tendons standing taught on his neck, Sanghyuk looked Jaehwan over with calculating intensity. 

_Yellow._ He’d said yellow. That didn’t mean Sanghyuk had to uncuff him, just that he wanted Sanghyuk to give him a minute to breathe. Jaehwan’s stomach tightened, he had to prove his worth. Prove that he was a good submissive so Sanghyuk would want to keep playing with him. 

Because it had been _good._ It had _hurt_ and _stung,_ and he felt weak from crying and weak from the soft pleasure that was Sanghyuk’s mouth on his skin and he didn’t want it to end. 

“We can keep going, sir, I just needed...” he trailed off, legs shaking as he raised his wrists so the cuffs could be put back on. Brain swimming with endorphins and heart pulsing adrenaline. Sanghyuk was still looking at him like he wanted something from Jaehwan but Jaehwan didn’t know what. 

“No, we can’t. We’ve gone far enough for today.”

Jaehwan’s budding strength began to wane and he nearly fell over when he tried to take a step forward. Sanghyuk caught him deftly, helping him over to the bed on the other end of the room and laying him down on his side. 

Sanghyuk left the room at a walk so fast it was nearly a jog and Jaehwan watched him leave through wide eyes. He didn’t know why Sanghyuk had just _left_ him in there all alone, and what was worse, he could _see_ himself now. 

When he’d been restrained, Sanghyuk had positioned him in such a way that Jaehwan had been looking at the wall. But now, face to face with a floor to ceiling mirror, he could see every inch of himself. Flushed and tear stained, dark hair matted to his forehead with sweat, a haphazard pile of limbs on the bed like someone had disassembled a doll. No wonder Sanghyuk had left him there. He didn’t know why Sanghyuk had agreed to play with him in the first place. 

“I got you your aftercare kit, and one of my sweatshirts,” Sanghyuk said, switching off the music as he reentered the room. Jaehwan kept his mouth sealed shut.

He kept it shut even when Sanghyuk helped him into the oversized hoodie, dabbed lavender oil on his wrists, gave him first a Tylenol to swallow and then a piece of chocolate to eat. 

“Staying warm is important and some people say that having something that smells like your dominant can be helpful for relaxing,” Sanghyuk murmured, handing Jaehwan a water bottle and waiting until he’d downed half of it. 

He gathered Jaehwan up into his arms and settled back on the bed, just cuddling him until Jaehwan’s tears had finally dried up. “You did _so_ well, honestly. I think the crop was just a step too far for a first scene and I wasn’t comfortable taking it any further.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jaehwan hiccupped, letting himself be cuddled. Basking in the warm glow of being held. Of having gentle kisses being pressed against his temples. Sanghyuk cooed at him and complimented him and told him what a good boy he was until all thoughts of being a bad sub had been wiped clean from Jaehwan’s mind. Now only left with the throbbing ache in his backside and soreness in his wrists. 

“Would you like a title as well?”

Jaehwan blinked. He’d never thought about having a title for himself. “What, like slave?”

Sanghyuk pursed his lips. “If that’s what you want, but I was thinking more along the lines of baby or kitten or puppy.”

Jaehwan felt a tired smile twitch up the corners of his mouth. “I like kitten,” he hummed, pressing his face against Sanghyuk’s cheek. His eyelids were starting to droop, exhaustion and fatigue finally taking over now that the adrenaline was gone. 

“I knew it.” Sanghyuk’s soft laugh was accompanied by a quick tug on Jaehwan’s collar and he whined quietly before promptly falling asleep in Sanghyuk’s arms. 

⟻---------------⟼

When Jaehwan got dressed the next morning, he spent several minutes just admiring his marks. He wanted more of them. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference for Jaehwan's collar and lace shorts  
> VVVVVVVVVVVVVV
> 
> [HERE](https://clytemnestrasrevenge95.tumblr.com/post/190872784152/jaehwans-lace-shorts-and-collar-for-chapter-two)


	3. Caress

⟻---------------⟼

~~ Three Weeks and Four Sessions Later ~~

⟻---------------⟼

**From:** Chopper0406@gmail.com

 **To:** Hsh75@gmail.com

(Sent Tuesday, 1/29/20)

**Subject:** hai

(Attachments: UpdatedYesList.docx, TeachMe.docx)

Hi Sir!

Pwease have a lookie at second list ~ there’s only one thing on it but I thought it safer to put on a doc in case you open this in publicccccc ㅇㅅㅇ

See you tomowow!

Jyani 

⟻---------------⟼

**From:** Hsh75@gmail.com

 **To:** Chopper0406@gmail.com 

(Sent Tuesday, 1/29/20)

**Subject:** Re: hai

Kitten, please don’t send me things like that while I’m in class. That being said, a list of things for you to practice before I see you on Friday: 

-Work on relaxing your throat muscles as much as possible

-Find your gag spot with your toothbrush and touch it for as long as you can (do it at least twice daily)

-Put one of your toys in your mouth and practice breathing through your nose

See you later

-SH

⟻---------------⟼

Jaehwan sat at his desk up front during the middle of his Thursday class, playing with his phone as inconspicuously as he could. It was a lecture day and, being a TA, there wasn’t much for him to do other than sit and make sure the real students were paying attention. He liked practical days better. Enjoyed being able to move about and help the students with their line work or suggest a bit of shading here or there. 

His small desk was situated behind the lecture podium and off to the right, giving Jaehwan a clear view of where Sanghyuk was sitting. Two rows up and right on the isle. And he was staring, very pointedly, at Jaehwan’s face. Not like a surreptitious glance every once and a while. No, Sanghyuk had his chin propped up on his palm, eyes slightly lidded, gaze firmly locked on Jaehwan. And it was making Jaehwan begin to fidget. 

A spot of revenge was in order. 

Jaehwan kept his eyes fixed downward, scribbling mindlessly on the corner of one of his papers so it would look like he was taking notes. But the phone balanced on his knee had his real attention. Scrolling through the camera roll. 

His latest Etsy package had been delivered the night before and he’d already done a mini selfie-photo shoot with his new accessories; cream and pastel pink cat ears, a matching and very fluffy tail plug, and a cute little ribbon collar. Pink bows and frills adorning each piece of the ensemble. Wearing them made him feel pretty and small in a way he hadn’t really ever felt before. He liked it. 

Jaehwan scrolled until he found the one he was looking for. Kneeling atop his duvet with his back to the camera, lacy white socks on his feet, spine arched in a way that made his already narrow waist look smaller than it was. Tail protruding from between his cheeks and draped artfully over his left ankle. The closure at the back of his collar visible at the nape of his neck and faux fur ears pointy on his head. He had a mini tripod for just such occasions as that, so Jaehwan was looking back at the camera and giving a cheeky little wink. Cherry tinted lips purse and entirely nude. He’d even filtered the picture to make it all pastel and pretty. 

He sent the picture with a few swift clicks, no accompanying message, and slid his phone back in his jeans pocket. 

Jaehwan knew he was playing with fire, but the danger is what made it so exciting. 

He felt rather than saw Sanghyuk’s attention shift off his face. Chancing a glance up, he saw that his sir was now looking at something under the desk. He marked the moment the picture must have loaded because Sanghyuk’s eyes snapped forwards, glued to the whiteboard where the professor was writing. Sanghyuk didn’t get visibly flustered the way Jaehwan did. No blushing or fidgeting or spluttering. His features just smoothed over into a mask of bland disinterest. The way he looked during a scene. 

As small as it was, it was still a reaction. Jaehwan grinned and pulled out his phone again, selecting a second picture. He was sprawled on his stomach this time, back arching so his ass was in the air and cheek resting atop his folded hands. Jaehwan thought he might actually like this one better. 

Zings of excitement skated up his spine as he hit send, watching Sanghyuk out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t check his phone immediately, shooting Jaehwan a warning look that gave the elder chills before moving his hand back under the desk. 

Jaehwan got a reply this time. 

**Sir:**

**Received at 2:18 pm**

_‘Bathroom. Follow me in thirty seconds or I’m going to come back and spank you in front of the entire class.’_

Jaehwan twitched in his seat, watching Sanghyuk stand and saunter out the back-classroom door. He’d already started counting down from thirty in his head. 

The professor gave Jaehwan a pointedly aggravated look when he stood and slunk from the classroom when the mental countdown was complete. Jaehwan flashed her an apologetic smile as he exited, knowing he’d be reprimanded for it later, but in that moment, he was a bit more worried about whatever Sanghyuk was planning. 

Jaehwan’s giant sneakers squeaked against the laminate floor but he hurried to the closest bathroom, hoping it was the one Sanghyuk had meant. He’d guessed correctly. 

Sanghyuk was standing against the far wall, propped up with his arms crossed. He was so tall his head was nearly brushing the high narrow window near the ceiling. 

He didn’t speak, a single index finger pointed at the floor before him instead. Jaehwan knew what that meant, it was one of his weekly commands he’d been learning. The one that meant _‘come to me’._

Jaehwan lowered his eyes and skittered forwards, the row of sinks and opposite stalls like onlookers at his parade of shame. 

Sanghyuk’s middle finger joined the first and he kept them pointed at the ground. Jaehwan understood that one too. _‘Kneel’._

So Jaehwan knelt, boney knees clattering against the white tiles. It was harder to be daring and cheeky when Sanghyuk was within arm’s reach rather than safely across a classroom. 

“Do you find it funny, sending me pictures like that in the middle of class?”

Jaehwan sealed his mouth shut but he didn’t break eye contact, not daring to look away. 

Sanghyuk tilted his head slightly. “Answer me, kitten.”

Ah, and they’d discussed this. If they were going to scene in public or do something spontaneous, use of either of their titles would be the indication it had started. 

“No, Sir,” Jaehwan mumbled, fingers tangling together behind his back. Sanghyuk blinked down at him, as impassive as a statue. 

“Really? You sent two of them. I could have shown them to the guy sitting next to me. I could have airdropped them to the entire class. Is that what you wanted?”

Jaehwan swallowed, pulse thrumming a bit faster. He knew Sanghyuk would never but the threat of it made the idea seem more real. 

“Do you like the idea of being humiliated like that, kitten? Shown off like an object to a room full of horny undergrads?”

A spark of something warm pricked inside him at that, the thought of being humiliated. Publicly. But not in front of his students. Somewhere he could be more anonymous. “No, Sir,” Jaehwan repeated, shaking his head for emphasis. 

“And you thought you were just going to get away with teasing me like that? No consequences? No repercussions from your actions?”

Sanghyuk’s voice had dropped so low it was nearing husky and Jaehwan bit his lip. At Jaehwan’s silence, one of Sanghyuk’s hands knotted in Jaehwan’s hair and he pulled Jaehwan roughly to his feet. 

“Face the wall.”

And Jaehwan faced the wall, their positions now switched. He groaned when Sanghyuk shoved him bodily against it. Groaned a bit louder when he felt Sanghyuk’s hands slip under his hoodie and graze his bare back. Mouth brushing the shell of Jaehwan’s ear. 

“Color?” Nothing more than a whisper.

“Green, Sir.”

“You’ve been a bad boy, kitten. So naughty,” Sanghyuk hummed, reaching around and unbuttoning Jaehwan’s jeans. His tightest and most flattering pair of skinny jeans. He’d picked them specially for today, knowing he would see Sanghyuk, wanting to show off his assets. Wanting to make Sanghyuk want him. 

“I’m sorry, Sir, it won’t happen again...” Jaehwan’s apology trailed off in a sigh, Sanghyuk’s thumb nail trailing across his navel. The touch was light enough that it made Jaehwan shiver. 

“I accept your apology, kitten, however-“ Jaehwan’s jeans were yanked roughly down around his knees, the constricting waistband acting like restraints. Keeping his thighs pressed tight together. It hit Jaehwan then, they were in the middle of a public bathroom. Not even in a stall. Someone could walk in at any moment and see- “Something must be done about your behavior.”

Jaehwan whined in the back of his throat. He and Sanghyuk hadn’t done much more than kissing and cuddling where the realm of romance was concerned, but that seemed like it was about to change. _About fucking time._

“Are you feeling needy, my pretty kitten?”

Jaehwan nodded, even as his cheek was pressed up against the cold wall. Feeling Sanghyuk’s fingers digging against his now bare hips. 

“You looked so needy in those pictures, like a pretty little kitty in heat. What got you so needy that you thought teasing me in public would be a good idea, hm?”

Jaehwan could drown in that tone, just let it drag him under like a riptide. “You were looking at me in that- in _that_ way, Sir. It was making me flustered.” Jaehwan felt his cheeks start to burn at the admission but Sanghyuk smiled against his neck. 

Sanghyuk hummed again, Jaehwan’s earlobe caught between his teeth. “I want you on a leash right now, kitten. Naked and desperate. I want to see that collar around your pretty throat and listen to you beg for me.”

Jaehwan groaned again, knowing that if his pants were still on, they’d be tight and confining by this point. 

“Please, Sir, please,” he whimpered, Sanghyuk’s fingertips running lightly over the fabric of his briefs. Teasing touch that would get Jaehwan nowhere. 

“Oh, so you want it?” A quick tug at the waistband of Jaehwan’s briefs. “You want me to take you right here in public like you’re just a filthy toy?”

Jaehwan’s back arched of its own accord, trying to rock back against Sanghyuk but to no avail. “Yes, Sir!”

He felt rather than heard Sanghyuk chuckle. Heard the zip of Sanghyuk’s fly being lowered. 

“Unfortunately, kitten, this is a punishment. If I gave you what you wanted it would defeat the purpose.” Then two of Sanghyuk’s fingers taped on Jaehwan’s already open mouth and he took them in greedily, pleased to have something to do rather than just stand around and whine. 

He sucked on them, rolling his tongue around first one finger and then the other, coating them with saliva. Pressing the flat of his tongue against the pads of Sanghyuk’s fingers. Jaehwan was too busy to pay attention to much else, the slightly salty tang of skin and sweat overwhelming his senses. He could already feel himself slipping into that special space in his mind. 

The fingers were tugged free of his mouth and Jaehwan mewled softly, already morning the loss of the intrusion. 

“Sir-“

“Color?” Sanghyuk interrupted, the unmistakable noise of him stroking himself to hardness echoing in Jaehwan’s ears. “Green.”

“Good. Then no talking, and no touching yourself, understand?”

“Yes sir,” Jaehwan replied, keeping his hands clasped tightly at the small of his back. 

One of Sanghyuk’s hands was back in Jaehwan’s hair, the other speeding Jaehwan’s thighs apart as far as they would go. His denim waistband dug into his flesh at the pressure but Jaehwan managed to swallow his sounds. 

But then there was something hard between his legs. Impossibly hard and impossibly hot, sliding against his skin in the most fascinating way. Jaehwan almost got lost then, from the unfamiliar feeling of Sanghyuk’s cock between his thighs. Almost let his mind wander away from his body so he could examine the sensation in greater detail. 

Jaehwan let his eyes fall shut at Sanghyuk’s first thrust, using Jaehwan’s saliva as lube to make the slide easier. That realization was a bit delayed, all the sensation making Jaehwan’s brain go a bit fuzzy. 

Cold tile against his cheek. Warm heat between his legs. Fissions of longing making Jaehwan’s knees feel weak. His own cock was hard, had been for a while, and he could feed a bead of precome dribbling down his shaft. Aching to be touched. 

Jaehwan began squirming, trying to press his lower half against the wall as well to try and at least get some friction but Sanghyuk held him in place. Fucking between Jaehwan’s thighs harder with each passing moment. Groaning low in Jaehwan’s ear. 

“What do you want, kitten?”

“Touch me, wanna feel good,” Jaehwan replied, croaky voice almost breaking. One of Sanghyuk’s hands came up and smacked Jaehwan’s cheek hard enough to sting. 

“What was that? Speak up baby boy.”

Jaehwan made a gurgling noise as he tried to swallow, airways feeling constricted. “Sir,” he corrected, “Touch me Sir, please!” His voice really did break that time, the _‘please’_ nothing more than a garbled little whine. 

Sanghyuk yanked Jaehwan’s head back, harshly enough to hurt and Jaehwan moaned again, chanting staccato bursts of _‘please Sir, please Sir,’_ under his breath. What little breath there was to be had. 

He felt shameful and dirty and humiliated in the best way. 

Sweat was starting to bead on Jaehwan’s forehead, he could feel it, the need to be touched now a physical presence screaming inside his skull. Could he come from this? Just this? No penetration, not a single finger having touched his cock, just the feeling of Sanghyuk getting off between his legs? The sound of Sanghyuk’s breathing growing ever more ragged in his ear? Maybe, Jaehwan thought, squirming even as Sanghyuk began sucking on his neck. Probably. 

“Tell me who you belong to.”

A command, growled against Jaehwan’s temple and his stomach instantly filled with heat. He loved _that_ especially. The idea of being claimed, being owned, being Sanghyuk’s and no one else’s. 

“You, Sir,” he gasped, eyelids fluttering and trying to swallow against the teeth at his throat. “I belong to you!”

“Tell me again.”

“I belong to you!”

“And who else?”

“Nobody, just you Sir!”

Jaehwan felt Sanghyuk come, leaving a wet and sticky mess between his legs, the words _“Good boy,”_ barely audible over the sound of Jaehwan’s racing heart. 

“We aren’t done with your punishment yet, kitten,” Sanghyuk hummed once he’d caught his breath somewhat, wiping away the majority of the stickiness with a paper towel, he let a bit linger there, Jaehwan could feel it, before swiping it up with his index finger so Jaehwan could lick it off. 

“You’re going to walk back into the classroom and sit there until the lecture’s over, hands above the desk so I know you aren’t touching yourself."

Jaehwan whined with a mix of desperation and defeat. Sanghyuk only smiled and dropped a quick kiss on his lips. “If you’re a good boy for me, if you _behave,_ maybe I’ll let you finish when we get to my house.”

They hadn’t planned on an extra meetup that day but there was no way in hell Jaehwan would pass up an offer like that, so he simply nodded, pulling his pants back up and shuddering at the sudden friction where there had once been none. 

Needing a bit of reassurance after that, because it had been _new_ and Jaehwan was feeling more vulnerable than normal, he latched his arms around Sanghyuk’s middle and clung to him. Needing that physical closeness. Not full aftercare. Just a little bit of touch. And Sanghyuk could apparently read that in his eyes or something because he smoothed down the bit of hair he’d just been yanking. Pressing gentle lips first Jaehwan’s cheeks, then his temples, then his closed eyelids. 

“You did so well with the first half of your punishment, kitten,” he hummed, mouthing the words against Jaehwan’s forehead. “Are you going to keep being a good boy for me?”

Jaehwan nodded, accidentally pressing his groin against Sanghyuk’s thigh. He was still painfully hard, and the pressure pulled an unwilling whine from him. “Yes, Sir.”

The final hour and a half of that lecture had been some of the most exquisite torture Jaehwan had ever suffered through. Sanghyuk had gone back first, watching Jaehwan return to his desk with the hem of his sweatshirt pulled down as far as it would go to cover up his _‘little problem’_ and the hood of his sweatshirt up to cover the fresh hickeys Sanghyuk had left on his neck. 

And Sanghyuk hadn’t waited while Jaehwan had gotten told off by the professor. He’d simply sent Jaehwan a text letting him know to go to Sanghyuk’s apartment as soon as he was free. 

So Jaehwan went, hands stuffed in his pockets and eyes on the ground, walking faster than he thought should be technically possible and making it to his sir’s building in roughly ten minutes. He was so hard up that he wanted to just die. 

The front door was unlocked when Jaehwan got there and he went inside, latching his collar around his neck and kneeling just inside the foyer like he’d been taught. Sanghyuk could only have gotten there a few minutes before but he still made Jaehwan wait. Sitting there, itching to just run further in and tackle him. 

“Oh, hi there kitten, I didn’t hear you come in,” Sanghyuk lied, stopping as he walked past and giving Jaehwan a grin that was downright wicked. 

Jaehwan kept his mouth shut. Eyes glued on the far distance. He knew he couldn’t do or say anything until Sanghyuk actually came and got him, but Sanghyuk was just standing there, smiling and staring. 

Eventually, _eventually_ he came forwards, helping Jaehwan to his feet with a gentle hand on his upper arm. 

Jaehwan pounced. He leapt at Sanghyuk, arms around his neck, legs around his waist, kissing him as hard as he dared. Sanghyuk chuckled quietly, Jaehwan swallowing the sounds of that laughter and licking into his sirs’ mouth. 

Sanghyuk carried him further into the house. “Where are your cute little ears, kitten? And your tail?” 

Jaehwan blinked. They were in his backpack, because he’d known he would see Sanghyuk is class today and was planning to show them off anyway, even though he planned to do so in a way that was a bit less exhibitionist. 

“In my bag, Sir.” 

Sanghyuk set him back on his feet. “Well, why don’t you go put them on for me, hm?”

Jaehwan nodded, skittering away to retrieve his things. 

⟻---------------⟼

Sanghyuk sat on the bed in the playroom, fingers twitching against the coverlet as he waited for Jaehwan to change. He’d had several monogamous subs before, thinking it to be the most prudent arrangement when his own possessive tendencies were taken into consideration. But he’d never had a sub as fresh as Jaehwan before and he would lie to himself. The idea of corrupting him turned Sanghyuk on a bit. 

He’d taught Jaehwan a bit about how to get into certain headspaces. About relaxing and focusing on exactly who he wanted to be at any given moment. That was probably what was taking so much time, Jaehwan getting into his kitten space or play space or shy space or whatever space he was in the mood to occupy. Sanghyuk didn’t mind waiting. 

Only maybe a minute later, Jaehwan peered around the open door. A hint of creamy pink fur now on the top of his head. Not where Sanghyuk had expected to see him, but lower. Like he was on his hands and knees. 

“Come on in, kitten,” Sanghyuk murmured, holding his hand out and watching Jaehwan crawl into the playroom. The crawling was another reason Sanghyuk guessed Jaehwan would like this sort of play. Degradation was high up on his _yes_ list. 

The urge to punish left Sanghyuk in a single breath. He wanted to play now. Ideas swirled around inside his head as Jaehwan skittered over to settle between his legs. Leash dragging on the floor and resting his chin on Sanghyuk’s knee. “Your collar...” Sanghyuk mumbled, hands going automatically to the clasp at the nape of Jaehwan’s neck. It was too tight, safer to be on the looser side so Jaehwan didn’t get hurt. 

It still bobbed when Jaehwan swallowed but Sanghyuk could slide two fingers under the band now. He did so, tugging a little to coax a whine from Jaehwan and smiling when he succeeded. 

“You look very cute, kitten,” Sanghyuk hummed, running just hands up and down Jaehwan’s torso until he began to squirm. “Very cute and very pretty,” he added. Jaehwan made a sound that was almost a purr, but he continued to wriggle in place. That pointy chin poking Sanghyuk’s knee. “Come up here.”

Jaehwan squeaked a little but he hopped up on the bed, straddling Sanghyuk’s lap in record time. Sanghyuk smoothed his hair with one hand, wrapping the leash around his other one. He liked when Jaehwan was soft like this, but that urge was still nagging at him. 

“I have an idea kitten.” 

Jaehwan tilted his head, big brown eyes shiny and _oh so_ pretty. Attentive. 

“Why don’t we practice what you messaged me about the other day? Have you been doing the exercises like I told you?” Sanghyuk asked, brushing his thumb under Jaehwan’s eye, the soft expanse of his cheek. His kitten nodded, biting his lip now with what Sanghyuk guessed to be anticipation. 

“How long can you suppress it for?”

Jaehwan whined. 

“Use your words kitten,” Sanghyuk chided gently, scratching under Jaehwan’s chin. 

“Ten seconds, sir.”

Well, that was certainly a good start. “Good boy, you’re making quick progress,” he replied, running his blunt nails down Jaehwan’s cute little tummy. His kitten was almost nude, the only fabric shrouding his body was a pair of frilly panties that matched the pink parts of his faux tail, but they didn’t do much in the way of concealment. 

“Why don’t we practice that together?” Sanghyuk’s hands came to rest on Jaehwan’s lower back. Cuddling him. “How does that sound, kitten? Or is there something else on your mind?”

“Wanna play,” Jaehwan mumbled, clinging to Sanghyuk’s shoulders with weak hands. Hiding his face in the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck. “Alright, how do you wanna play?”

Jaehwan mewled softly, shifting and wiggling until one of Sanghyuk’s thighs was fit snugly between his legs. And he was looking at Sanghyuk with his eyes so shiny and round that Sanghyuk felt his insides melt a bit. 

“You wanna ride my thigh, kitten?” he asked, letting a hand slip down the back of Jaehwan’s underwear so he could tug at the plugs base. The fur was soft, residual lube slightly sticky on the tips of his fingers and Jaehwan whined, louder than before. “Go ahead.”

Sanghyuk couldn’t blame his baby for being so worked up, after he had to sit through that lecture once their little play session was finished. He’d watched Jaehwan’s face the entire time, seen the furrow in his brow, noticed the odd shuffling way he walked. It only made sense that his baby was desperate now and Sanghyuk would happily indulge him. Jaehwan had come so far so fast, he deserved a treat every now and then. 

“Come on, kitten, don’t be shy,” he hummed, dropping his hands to Jaehwan’s hips and helping him move. His own cock twitching slightly as Jaehwan started grinding down against his thigh. This wouldn’t last too long, Sanghyuk could tell. 

Hushed little whimpers escaped Jaehwan’s mouth. His breath hitching every now and then, warm puffs of air slightly damp against Sanghyuk’s neck. Jaehwan nipped at him, not hard, but enough to draw Sanghyuk’s attention back to his face. 

He cupped Jaehwan’s chin, tilting his head up so Sanghyuk could look him in the eye. “Does that feel good, kitten? Is that what you wanted?” he murmured, slipping his thumb into Jaehwan’s open mouth. Pressing down on his tongue. Watching his spit begin to pool in the little depression. 

Sanghyuk leaned in and licked at Jaehwan’s top lip, kissed those cute cheeks that were all red and flushed with shame. But his baby never stopped rutting against him, sliding a bit forward so he could push up against Sanghyuk’s hip. He looked so frustrated and needy that Sanghyuk couldn’t stop himself from cooing. 

His movements were so frantic, moving himself up and down Sanghyuk’s thigh, fingers digging into the front of Sanghyuk’s shirt. Tears sparkling in his glassy eyes. 

“Come on, kitten, I want to watch you fall apart,” Sanghyuk murmured, digging his nails into Jaehwan’s ass cheek. He didn’t break eye contact, but he may have broken the skin, judging by the way Jaehwan whimpered pitifully. 

“I wanna test your pretty little body until you break, kitten. I want you to come on my fingers and come on my cock and I want you on your knees, begging for me to wreck you. Do you want sir to do that to you, kitten?”

Jaehwan was crying now, spit dribbling out of his mouth and body shaking uncontrollably. 

“Sir, please,” he whined, voice breaking on a sob, his words all garbled around Sanghyuk’s thumb. 

“Please what?” Sanghyuk smiled, knowing full well he looked patronizing. “You wanna come for sir?”

“Yes!”

Just sobbing now, frustration and heat written all over his baby's pretty face. 

“You think you’ve been enough of a good boy that sir will allow it?”

Jaehwan didn’t have words anymore, too far gone in his headspace to do anything but rock and cry. Sanghyuk took pity on him, pulling his finger from Jaehwan’s mouth and slipping it down the front of Jaehwan’s underwear. He pressed his mouth to Jaehwan’s ear. “Be a good boy and come for Sir.”

Two swift pumps was all it took, Jaehwan coming hard into his fist and slumping forwards, sobbing into the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck. 

A few minutes later, thoroughly cleaned up and all the kitten accoutrement removed as gently as possible, Sanghyuk had Jaehwan bundled up in his own hoodie and sweatpants. They were cuddled up on the couch, a large bottle of water in Jaehwan’s hand, and Jaehwan himself with his head on Sanghyuk’s lap. He’d wanted to watch a show while he cooled down, a rerun of some anime about vampires and Sanghyuk had indulged him happily. 

He smoothed Jaehwan’s hair and rubbed his shoulders, watching Jaehwan’s face rather than the screen. Watching how his eyelids were beginning to droop. 

Softness bubbled in Sanghyuk’s chest and he leaned down, dropping a kiss on Jaehwan’s forehead. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Praise [taekwoncheeks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwoncheeks/pseuds/taekwoncheeks) for beta'ing!!!!!


	4. Shudder

“What’s CNC?”

Jaehwan was seated at Sanghyuk’s kitchen table, tangled up so he could cross his legs. The wood pressing against his ankle bone was a sharp sort of ache, but he tried to ignore it.

They weren’t doing a scene just then. Jaehwan had his collar on like usual but it was just a formality. His eyes were scanning down Sanghyuk’s _‘yes and no’_ list, comparing it to his own. It had been almost two months since they started this... Jaehwan wouldn’t call it a relationship because it wasn’t, really, he didn’t even know _what_ to call it. But anyway, they’d been doing it for a month and like Sanghyuk had told him at the start, his preferences and willingness to try new things had adapted since then.

In the beginning, Jaehwan’s list of _no’s_ had been about twice as long as his _yes’s._ Sanghyuk had assured him that was fine and respected Jaehwan’s boundaries to the letter, but things had shifted. Types of play that had once been a hard no for him were migrating down to his _maybe_ list. And things from the maybe list had definitely become _yes’s._

“CNC is consensual non consent, and that one isn’t up for negotiation. Hard no,” Sanghyuk replied, watching Jaehwan read. Jaehwan tried his best to hide a shiver. Handing over that much control to another person wasn’t something he thought he was ready for. He was secretly grateful Sanghyuk didn’t want to try it either.

Maybe looking at the _‘no’_ section was the wrong way to go about this. Sanghyuk had been in the game, so to speak, a lot longer than Jaehwan had. His boundaries were a lot more clear cut. Better to look at the _‘yes’_ part.

“And... primal?” Jaehwan asked, looking up from the paper. Sanghyuk was eyeing him with a slight smile. Jaehwan _liked_ that smile. Liked it a lot.

“Primal is...” Sanghyuk pursed his lips in thought. “It’s essentially like turning to your animalistic side. Using instinct rather than conscious thought. Focusing on emotion. It’s not the same as the classic ‘whips and chains’ bdsm aesthetic, not even close. More like biting and growling and hair pulling.”

Jaehwan perked up at that, his interest undeniably piqued. He liked hair pulling, it was one of his favorite things actually, and the thought of Sanghyuk growling at him made Jaehwan go a bit weak in the knees.

“That sounds like fun,” he replied, drawing a little smiley face next to the word.

“It _is_ fun, we can try it later down the road if it still sounds good to you then.”

“Why later? Why not now?” Jaehwan scrunched up his lips and narrowed his eyes. There were several things Sanghyuk had said that about, pushing them off to a later date. First corruption, then edging, and now primal. Jaehwan wanted to pout. He wanted to stomp his foot and whine. Sanghyuk was supposed to experiment with him and broaden his horizons, not just keep dodging things.

Jaehwan unfolded one leg and nudged Sanghyuk’s knee under the table. He didn’t feel brave enough to actually _stomp,_ but Sanghyuk was just staring at him.

“Hwannie,” he replied gently, catching Jaehwan’s ankle and setting Jaehwan’s foot on his lap, “That’s more of a sex thing. And we haven’t gotten there yet.”

Jaehwan felt himself flush, the tips of his ears growing warm. The fact that they hadn’t gotten there yet was Sanghyuk’s fault. Jaehwan _wanted_ to go there. Had wanted to go there since the first time he set foot in the playroom. But Sanghyuk stopped him every time he tried.

“And why not?” Jaehwan asked, wiggling his foot to try and dislodge Sanghyuk’s hand. Sanghyuk released him and beckoned Jaehwan over, scooting his chair back from the table as Jaehwan stood. He skittered around and sat sideways on Sanghyuk’s lap. Shifting about until he was situated comfortably with Sanghyuk’s arms around his middle.

“Why are you in such a rush?”

Oh, and Sanghyuk was looking at with such _sweetness_ in those pretty eyes that Jaehwan just wanted to die.

“Because I’m old,” Jaehwan lamented, letting out a very put-upon sigh. “I’m old and my best years are already behind me and I just want to get it over with so I can move on.”

“You aren’t old.”

“I _am!_ I’m ancient!” Jaehwan hid his face in the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck.

Sanghyuk chuckled into Jaehwan’s hair. “You’re only three years older than me,” he replied, rubbing wide, slow circles on Jaehwan’s back. His hands were so toasty, applying just the right amount of pressure, Jaehwan thought he could probably fall asleep right there. Stomach full of the ramen they'd just finished and being thoroughly cuddled. Sanghyuk always smelled nice. Warm and the slightest bit musky. His Sanghyuk. His Sir.

Jaehwan couldn’t really deny it anymore, even to himself. He was starting to have real feelings for this man. Not love yet, not quite, but that was the end point of his heart's current trajectory.

His feelings had the potential to be dangerous. They could keep growing until they hurt either him or Sanghyuk or both, but Jaehwan couldn’t bring himself to care. He was content there, snuggled between his Sir’s strong arms. Tucked against his warm, broad chest.

“Hwannie?” Sanghyuk asked quietly, like he’d thought Jaehwan had fallen asleep, and Jaehwan realized he hadn’t spoken in almost a minute. Lost in thought.

For another moment, Jaehwan debated pretending he really _was_ asleep. He could let Sanghyuk carry him to bed and tuck him under the covers. But if he did that, Jaehwan knew, they wouldn’t get to have any playtime. And Jaehwan _wanted_ playtime.

“Hm?” he asked, lifting his head and looking up with bleary eyes. Sanghyuk was giving him the softest most patronizing smile. Jaehwan's heart melted a bit.

“Are you sleepy, kitten? You want to go to bed?”

Jaehwan pouted again. “No, Sir,” he murmured, nuzzling at Sanghyuk’s cheek and hoping he’d take the title use as a hint.

“Then what _do_ you want to do?”

Shifting a bit, suddenly uncertain, Jaehwan wet his bottom lip. “I’ve been practicing.”

“Have you?” Sanghyuk asked, arching a brow. Jaehwan nodded.

And he _had_ been practicing. He’d gotten very good at relaxing his throat muscles and worked on training his gag reflex twice a day. Sometimes more than that. Being able to give a good blowjob seemed like an important landmark on Jaehwan’s sexual journey, and he wanted to get there. Plus, if Sanghyuk wouldn’t fuck him then at least Jaehwan could have his cock _somewhere._

Sanghyuk stroked his thumb over Jaehwan’s lip, eyes brighter now. Searching Jaehwan’s face. That intense focus that made Jaehwan feel like he was the most important thing in the whole wide world.

Jaehwan pressed a series of soft kisses to Sanghyuk’s thumb before slipping his tongue out and taking it into his mouth. Making a show of swallowing down to the base of the digit before pulling away, a small string of saliva stretching from the pad of Sanghyuk’s thumb to his open mouth.

Sanghyuk was staring openly now and Jaehwan felt a twinge of pride. He brushed Jaehwan’s cheek with the back of his hand, tucked his hair behind his ear. “You’re _killing_ my self control, kitten.”

Jaehwan grinned.

He stood and repositioned himself so that he could look Sanghyuk in the eye. Straddling his thighs. Trying not to drown in those twin obsidian pools. He had to stay focused, there was a goal to achieve. Jaehwan leaned forwards and kissed his Sir’s bottom lip, giving it a tug. Not failing to catch the way Sanghyuk’s breath hitched the smallest bit.

They were still sitting at the kitchen table but Jaehwan honestly didn’t care. It crossed his mind that they’d never really fooled around outside the playroom while they were at Sanghyuk’s apartment but what did that matter? They didn’t need toys right now. All Jaehwan needed was Sanghyuk. He stole another kiss, tasting the sweet fizz of the cola his Sir had drank with dinner.

Sanghyuk held Jaehwan’s chin in a loose grip, just staring for a few moments more before he spit in Jaehwan’s mouth, following it with his tongue. Jaehwan swallowed, not caring that it was surface-level gross. He liked it. Liked the dirtiness of it, the filthy way Sanghyuk was kissing him and he ground down against Sanghyuk’s lap as hard as he dared.

“Good boy.”

Jaehwan twisted his hands together where they were clasped at the nape of Sanghyuk’s neck. He knew his eyes were probably dark, could feel tears pooling at the corners. Jaehwan didn’t care. He looked up at Sanghyuk and said breathlessly, “Slap me, Sir, please.”

Sanghyuk gave him a light smack to his left cheek. Not like he meant it, just a small indulgence. He bent and kissed Jaehwan on the mouth barely a second after his palm connected, Jaehwan’s lips parting once more around a low groan.

“Harder, Sir.”

Sanghyuk slapped him again, and this time Jaehwan was able to feel the imprint of Sanghyuk’s fingers on His cheek. Jaehwan moaned. He couldn’t help it. The sting always heightened his senses, it was one of his favorite things. Being slapped. Sanghyuk spit into his mouth again and he watched Jaehwan swallow. His energy had shifted now, Jaehwan could sense it, that quiet force that felt like it could tear Jaehwan apart without even blinking.

“Open your mouth, kitten.”

Jaehwan let his jaw drop - mouth open and ready.

Two of Sanghyuk’s fingers pushed into his mouth, resting against his tongue, and Jaehwan fought to stay still. Feeling saliva begin to pool. Knowing he shouldn’t do anything until Sanghyuk gave him instructions. Knowing better than to break eye contact.

“Suck,” Sanghyuk hummed, “Show me what you think you can do to my cock. Show me how pretty you can do it.”

So Jaehwan sucked. He closed his lips around Sanghyuk’s knuckles and reveled at the hint of salt that lingered on his skin. It took real effort for Jaehwan to stay focused now, not to lose himself to the easy rhythm they were building. A little push, then sucking harder when Sanghyuk withdrew his fingers maybe an inch.

It satisfied something in the more primitive side of Jaehwan’s brain, having something in his mouth. Hakyeon had teased him for having an oral fixation before and Jaehwan thought he was probably right. And he liked the way Sanghyuk would inhale sharply every time Jaehwan sucked harder.

“Fuck...” Just a whispered groan but the tone of Sanghyuk’s voice made Jaehwan whine. An oily sheen had settled across Jaehwan’s brain, muddling his thought process a bit. He was so happy there. Basking in Sanghyuk’s attention with Sanghyuk’s fingers pushing steadily further towards the back of his throat.

Sanghyuk’s other hand had returned to Jaehwan’s waist at some point, up under his hoodie. Smoothing up and down the side of his torso. Soft little sounds of pleasure rolled through Jaehwan, muffled slightly by the fingers pressing against his tongue.

Jaehwan let his eyes slide shut, only opening them again when he heard Sanghyuk make a _tsk tsk_ noise.

“You are just blissed out, huh kitten?” he asked, pursing his lips to hide a smile and drawing his fingers from Jaehwan’s mouth.

The lack of them was a _damn_ shame in Jaehwan’s opinion and he slumped forwards, latching on and kissing Sanghyuk before he remembered he should wait. But for all of his talk, Jaehwan knew Sanghyuk _could_ be soft. And he could be a major sucker if he was in the right mood. And if Jaehwan did something cute. So weak for cute. So, Jaehwan took a bet that he wouldn’t earn a punishment for this minor infraction. He was right. Sanghyuk did pull away, and he did give Jaehwan a _look,_ but nothing else.

“Color?”

“Green,” Jaehwan hummed, smiling and forcing himself not to nuzzle into his Sir’s palm. Trying to stay still.

“Good boy.” Sanghyuk cupped his cheek for a brief moment, tugging on Jaehwan’s earlobe and then carding his hair. “You’re so good for me, kitten. Have you changed your mind?”

“No, Sir.”

“Get to it then.”

Jaehwan felt his dick twitch at the command in Sanghyuk’s voice and he slid backward rather clumsily, trying not to smack the back of his head against the table as he settled on the kitchen floor. The hardwood was unforgiving, and he already knew his knees were going to be aching soon but Jaehwan didn’t mind. His heart, which had slowed to a snail’s pace, was now beating extremely fast. Ratcheting against his rib cage with nerves.

He’d never seen Sanghyuk naked before. Well he’d seen Sanghyuk shirtless and Sanghyuk wasn’t _technically_ naked now, but he’d never actually _seen_ Sanghyuk’s cock. He’d felt it, but that was always through at least two layers of fabric or that one time between his thighs, and he’d never been allowed to touch before. Let alone taste.

So now, watching Sanghyuk unzip his fly and free himself from his jeans, Jaehwan accidentally gulped.

He was _big._ That was Jaehwan’s first thought. The size of his own dick had always been a source of secret pride for Jaehwan but- but this was _different._ And Sanghyuk was already hard. The finger sucking must have had more of an effect than Jaehwan realized. He felt himself blush to the roots of his hair. Hair that Sanghyuk’s fingers were still tangled in.

A little tug. “Ready?”

Jaehwan nodded, scooting forward and situating himself between Sanghyuk’s legs. Hesitant. Trying to gather courage.

“Go on, kitten.”

Taking a deep breath, Jaehwan leaned forwards and licked tentatively at the head of his cock. Sanghyuk shuddered minutely and Jaehwan did it again. It was weird. No, not _weird._ New. It was _new._ He could taste a burst of mild bitterness, precome, Jaehwan surmised, laving his tongue a little lower. Trying to touch on the spots where he himself was most sensitive. A dick was a dick, after all.

“Open up,” Sanghyuk said, his voice lower. Possessing a huskiness that Jaehwan had never heard there before. Not even in the midst of a scene. And he _did_ open up. Nervous excitement buzzing in his veins like a swarm of bees.

There was a lot to take in. Just a bit, at first, Sanghyuk letting Jaehwan adjust to the sizable intrusion at his own pace. Holding Jaehwan’s head in place with the hand in his hair.

“Wider, kitten, as wide as you can.”

Jaehwan opened his mouth wider, making sure his teeth were safely out of the way. He got maybe half in his mouth before Sanghyuk pulled him off. Moving torturously slow.

“Color?” he muttered, and Jaehwan was pleased to hear the breathless quality to his tone. _“Green_ green.”

Sanghyuk nodded to himself, watching as Jaehwan wrapped his lips around the head of his cock. Suckling a little. Tonguing his slit. Trying to figure out what Sanghyuk liked. What things made his breath speed up and quiet groans escape.

The drag against his tongue was a sensation Jaehwan hadn’t been expecting. It felt good, short bursts of pleasure sparking on his pallet. And he liked the heavy weight of it, forcing his mouth open. He was practically falling apart as Sanghyuk pushed his cock further and further down Jaehwan’s throat, those pretty dark eyes never leaving Jaehwan’s own.

It hit the back of Jaehwan’s throat, and he swallowed convulsively. The hand in his hair tightened, Sanghyuk’s breath escaping in a quiet rush. Jaehwan wanted more, he realized, working his way back down, trying to take in as much as he could. Letting Sanghyuk guide his movements.

His fingers were still pressed against the fabric of Sanghyuk’s jeans, but he moved one hand to wrap around the base, jerking Sanghyuk off where his mouth couldn’t quite reach yet. Jaehwan’s jaw had gone lax by this point and he was proud of himself, his practice had done him good. But it still wasn’t enough.

“Can you-“ a light cough, “Help me, Sir?” Jaehwan asked, pulling off and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He let his eyes meet Sanghyuk’s again and the tenderness there stole his breath.

“Help you how?”

Oh, and that was _nice,_ Jaehwan could hear that he’d done something right because Sanghyuk sounded as hoarse as Jaehwan felt. Still petting, first the back of Jaehwan’s head and then those pretty fingers digging into the soft flesh just above Jaehwan’s collar bone.

Jaehwan swallowed. “I want more but I don’t know how to do it, Sir.”

Sanghyuk blinked at him, a muscle in his jaw twitching as Jaehwan licked a stripe up the underside of his shaft. “Back up. On your knees, put the back of your head against the table leg.”

Jaehwan nodded, staying on his knees and scooting over so his spine was lined up with the table leg. He was almost too tall for this to work but at least the lip of the tabletop didn’t overhang.

“Head up, hands behind your back.”

Following instructions, Jaehwan clasped his hands behind his back. Sanghyuk was still sitting and watching, jerking himself off slowly. Jaehwan tried not to drool. He’d never seen anything more attractive than his Sir sitting there, running his hand along his length and just staring at Jaehwan like he was going to devour him.

Jaehwan tried not to fidget but it was so hard. He wanted to _touch,_ wanted to feel that heavy weight in his mouth again, taste that slight saltiness.

Finally, _finally_ Sanghyuk stood up, gripping Jaehwan’s hair with one hand and guiding his tip to Jaehwan’s mouth with the other. He always looked so intimidatingly large when Jaehwan was on his knees.

“Tap my thigh twice and I’ll stop, don’t forget to breathe,” Sanghyuk murmured, waiting for Jaehwan to nod before pushing past his lips.

It was harder than before, faster too, Jaehwan made a little gurgling noise on accident but he didn’t even hear it. This was better. _Much_ better. Letting Sanghyuk take charge.

Sanghyuk nudged his hips forward until Jaehwan’s nose was pressed against his navel. Jaehwan couldn’t breathe. He felt the muscles of his throat constrict, trying to swallow, but he couldn’t. Jaehwan coughed weakly as tears began to roll down his cheeks and Sanghyuk wiped them away with his thumb. Not from pain or fear, just automatic. A reflex.

Then the intrusion was gone, dragging back out of his mouth and leaving Jaehwan’s throat feeling markedly raw. His eyes fell shut and he bit back a groan.

“Eyes up here,” Sanghyuk chuckled softly, tipping Jaehwan’s face back up. Jaehwan blinked the wetness away as best he could and kept his mouth wide open.

Sanghyuk did it again, pushing all the way down to the base and holding there until Jaehwan gagged. He fucked Jaehwan’s mouth with shallow thrusts, shallow but rough, Jaehwan’s fingers tangling behind his back and spit dripping from the corners of his mouth.

Jaehwan’s mind drifted pleasantly now, vacant of everything but the need to keep his mouth open. He didn’t even really know how long it went on for. There was nothing but the easy pleasure of knowing he was doing good, knowing that he was making his Sir feel good.

Sanghyuk was murmuring encouragement under his breath, his fingers tightening almost convulsively in Jaehwan’s hair, but Jaehwan didn’t know what it was he was saying. Simply enjoying the smooth tone of his voice. The way his chest seemed to heave, the way he worried his lip every now and then.

“Keep it open,” Sanghyuk muttered, pulling out enough that only the tip was resting on Jaehwan’s tongue. Hand cupping Jaehwan’s chin and hastily jerking himself off. Jaehwan licked the underside of the head and blinked, tasting come as it pooled on his tongue. Noting the furrow in Sanghyuk’s brow, how his mouth fell open, the breathy groan that seemed to escape him unbidden.

“Swallow.”

Jaehwan swallowed, shivering slightly at the strange taste. He was so hard he thought he might be able to come from just this without ever even being touched. But he wasn’t given the opportunity to find out whether he could or not because Sanghyuk was already zipping up his jeans as he pulled Jaehwan to his feet.

His hands found Jaehwan’s waist and he lifted Jaehwan up like the elder weighed nothing, sitting Jaehwan on a corner of the kitchen table that wasn’t occupied by dishes. Kissing Jaehwan full on the mouth as he tugged down Jaehwan’s basketball shorts.

Jaehwan squeaked in surprise, feeling Sanghyuk’s tongue in his mouth and Sanghyuk’s hand around his cock. Running up and down with fast, smooth strokes. He couldn’t have moved away if he wanted to, Sanghyuk’s fingers gripping the hair at the base of his skull. Holding Jaehwan immobile.

His brain was a mess of involuntary reactions, back arching and trying to push up into Sanghyuk’s fist, whining as Sanghyuk nipped his lip hard enough to draw blood. This didn’t feel like part of their scene anymore. Sanghyuk was always controlled during a scene. He didn’t get frantic like he was now, and he was almost never needy.

“Come on, baby, come.” Sanghyuk yanked Jaehwan’s head back, voice thick and low as he mouthed at Jaehwan’s neck. Sucking hard at his pulse point and flicking his wrist. Jaehwan gave in. It felt too good for him to try and hold out any longer. And he liked the way Sanghyuk sounded when he said _baby._

Jaehwan felt connected to his entire body as he came, hard, each nerve fizzling with the pleasure of it. Breath coming ragged and head lolling in Sanghyuk’s grip.

⟻---------------⟼

“We should make sure to use the playroom next time,” Sanghyuk said softly, smoothing Jaehwan’s hair with his palm.

They’d changed clothes and Jaehwan was sucking on a cough drop, sitting together on the big squishy sofa in the living room.

Jaehwan blinked in confusion. “Why?” he asked, shifting around so he could look Sanghyuk in the eye. Sanghyuk was outwardly calm but there was something like conflict behind his gaze.

“It helps me compartmentalize; you know. That’s why I have it. Keep everything separate.”

That was... well it made sense now that Jaehwan thought about it. Not only with playing, but whenever Jaehwan slept over they always slept in the playroom. Jaehwan had never thought about it before. He had never slept in Sanghyuk’s actual bed.

He couldn’t help feeling slightly hurt by that realization. Maybe it was just lingering feelings from their session.

“Yeah,” Jaehwan replied, trying to shake off the wounded feeling, “We’ll keep everything professional.”

⟻---------------⟼

**_~ Jaehwan's Updated Yes and No List ~_ **

Within the context of consent and being risk aware:

**No:**

Foot fetish

Scat

Feederism

Pony play

Tentacles

Electric play

Branding

Cbt (cock and ball torture)

Mummification

Vore

Ddlg/ddlb

Water sports

Needles

Cuck

Cnc (consensual non consent)

Breeding

Clothes pins

Fisting

Swinging/swapping with another couple

**Soft no/maybe:**

Blood play

Hypnotism

Latex

Group sex

Humiliation

Whips

Medical

Chastity

Suspension

Cages

**Yes:**

Pet play

Role play

Spreader bar

Objectification

Switching

Voyeurism

Wax play

Breath play

Hair pulling

Fear play

Edge play

Knife play

Primal :)

Corruption

Public play

Restraints

Rough body play

Impact play

Biting

Marks

Orgasm control

Spanking

Flogging

Blindfolds

Light bondage

Plugs/dildos

Lingerie/heels

Cross dressing

Exhibitionism

Eye contact

Face slapping

Gags

Blowjobs

**Need more info:**

Mental scene

Sensory deprivation 

**Metal allergies: N** o

 **Latex:** Sensitive but not allergic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sanghyuk is such a soft Dom in this someone come and put me out of my misery lololol


	5. Exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ha ha ha this chapter is tonally weird? don’t know why or what happened but lol yeah. just a heads up that it may come off a bit disconnected.

Jaehwan stomped down the hallway of Sanghyuk’s apartment. They were going to hang out today, no play session specified, but that was fine. Jaehwan had arranged this date. He was a man with a goddamn mother fucking plan, and he intended to succeed.

“Sir!” he called, _loudly,_ knocking on the door with much more vigor than he’d normally employ. And he kept on knocking for maybe forty-five seconds until Sanghyuk yanked the door open. His Sir's expression was inscrutable. All narrowed eyes and tightly closed lips that could either mean displeasure or suspicion. Jaehwan paid that as little attention possible and slipped through the door.

He bypassed the collar he’d normally put on that was hanging off a hook on the wall, and he didn’t kneel and wait either. Jaehwan had come prepared. A thin circle of elastic was already secured around his neck and a new piece of lingerie concealed beneath his T-shirt and jeans.

Sanghyuk followed him down the short hallway and into the living room like a silent storm cloud. Jaehwan could feel his temper brewing, that switch flipping, energy shifting, the farther inside he got but Jaehwan didn’t stop walking. He kept right on walking until he got to the playroom.

“You’ve already earned yourself one punishment, kitten, are you going for two?”

Jaehwan pretended he hadn't heard and opened the playroom door with a _click._ Everything was neat and pristine like normal. The sheets on the bed were robin’s egg blue instead of their normal beige. Jaehwan focused on the little details around him, not letting his mind stray toward punishment. He could deal with the repercussions later.

“Strip,” he said coolly, turning to face his Sir with as much composure as he could manage. Sanghyuk had used his title, he clearly knew Jaehwan wanted to scene, so that was good. But rather than looking confused, Sanghyuk just arched a brow.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, strip,” Jaehwan repeated. Holding his ground and folding his arms. _Switching_ was on both of their 'yes' lists.

It had been almost two weeks since their last play session and Jaehwan was feeling stifled. He’d royally fucked up one of his midterms, his mom had been breathing down his neck for no reason, and his rent had increased. All of which would have been frustrating enough even if he’d had access to this particular stress relief. Without this outlet, it was almost fucking unbearable, and Jaehwan wanted to try being in charge for a change. He’d been thinking about it for days.

Sanghyuk cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms and copying Jaehwan’s stance. It seemed like a calculated move, a way to intimidate, but Jaehwan just stared at him. Letting his own eyes narrow and jaw firm.

“No.”

Jaehwan had Sanghyuk’s 'yes' list memorized, and he stepped forward, shoving his Sir back against the closest wall and mentally ticking the box marked _‘rough body play’._

Unlike the first time Jaehwan had been manhandled that way, Sanghyuk didn’t flinch. He barely even blinked. Just that little bit of aggression felt like relief to Jaehwan. Certainly a good place to start.

“You’re really in a feisty mood today, kitten, aren’t you?” Sanghyuk said quietly, the heat of his gaze burning into Jaehwan’s face as the elder began unbuttoning his shirt. If Sanghyuk wouldn’t strip, then Jaehwan would take matters into his own hands. Sanghyuk had far too many button-downs for a college junior, Jaehwan thought vaguely, flicking open button after button after button.

Sanghyuk’s body left Jaehwan breathless, as usual, he was too hot for his own fucking good. It was honestly inconvenient sometimes. Like right now, for example, when Jaehwan had to focus on unbuckling the youngers belt and not start drooling over his abs.

“Take off my shirt,” Jaehwan said, once his Sir was standing there in nothing but a pair of black briefs. He kept his voice firm by the skin of his teeth. Sanghyuk was the phrase _‘clothes don’t make the man’_ personified. He’d probably still ooze that quiet dominance if he was wearing a potato sack.

Sanghyuk almost smiled. Jaehwan saw it. That quick quirk at the corner of his mouth and the way he pressed his lips together becoming more pronounced. Like he thought Jaehwan was being funny. Jaehwan didn’t want to be _funny,_ he wanted to be intimidating!

Despite the almost-smile, Sanghyuk took a half step forwards, curling his fingers around the hem of Jaehwan’s t-shirt and lifting it easily over his head. His hands strayed to Jaehwan’s waistband, eyes scanning Jaehwan’s torso in a way that seemed almost predatory, but Jaehwan pushed his hands away.

The gawking was no doubt the result of Jaehwan’s most recent Etsy purchase. A harness bodysuit made entirely of thin black elastic bands and O-rings, starting at the base of his throat and ending in thigh garters. Sanghyuk hadn’t seen those yet. They were still hidden under his jeans. This was his power outfit, Jaehwan decided. He liked the way it made him feel. Like he could step on someone’s throat and smile while doing it.

Sanghyuk reached for his waistband again, the gesture mechanical if nothing else, but Jaehwan stepped back. Glaring for all he was worth.

“Did I say you could touch?”

“No.”

Jaehwan knew his tone would never be as effortlessly commanding as Sanghyuk’s but he did his best. He liked the way Sanghyuk was watching him. Using that bit of pleasure to try and appear entirely confident.

Being restrained was a no-go as far as Sanghyuk’s lists were concerned so Jaehwan had opted for an alternate route. “Put your hands behind your back and keep them there,” he said, and Sanghyuk complied. But the movement was painfully slow.

Jaehwan stepped up so they were almost chest to chest, dropping his hands to his Sir's hips. Feeling the press of hard muscle against his fingertips.

He leaned in a bit closer, letting his breath ghost over the side of Sanghyuk’s neck. “Color?” he asked. Tentative. Not wanting to keep going if Sanghyuk wasn’t okay.

“Green.”

_God_ but there was something in Sanghyuk’s tone... almost patronizing? Jaehwan didn’t quite trust that tone but he knew how seriously his Sir took safe words. Sanghyuk wouldn’t have said green unless he meant it.

Jaehwan brushed his lips lightly down the column of Sanghyuk’s throat. He wanted to mark his Sir up. Leave a trail of hickeys down his chest until he reached his thighs that would last for days, but he wasn’t sure exactly how to do it properly. He knew the basics, he wasn’t a complete idiot, but what if he ended up just leaving a wet patch of spit on Sanghyuk’s neck instead? Or he did it too hard on accident and he drew blood or something?

He nosed at the sensitive spot behind Sanghyuk’s ear for a second, then another, and finally sealed his mouth to Sanghyuk’s skin, just below his jaw. Jaehwan sucked that that spot, lightly at first, not knowing how much pressure he should use-

“Are you trying to mark me, kitten?” Sanghyuk hummed, most definitely sounding amused now. Jaehwan could feel the vibration of those words against his mouth. “Like how I do it to you?”

Jaehwan had never actually hit anyone before, in any context, and he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of doing so now. But it seemed like a relatively appropriate way to get his Sir to stop talking, so he raised one hand and lightly slapped Sanghyuk’s cheek.

Sanghyuk laughed. He had the fucking audacity to _laugh_ when Jaehwan hit him. Not overly loudly or obnoxiously, just a soft little chuckle. And that somehow worse. More mocking than from actual humor. More degrading. “You’ve got to go harder than that, kitten.”

Jaehwan blinked, unsure whether he meant with the slapping or the hickey attempt. He tried biting a little, since that would most definitely leave a mark of some kind even with very little force behind it. Sanghyuk’s skin barely tasted like anything and it was then that Jaehwan noticed his hair was a little damp. Sanghyuk had showered recently.

Not that it really mattered whether he’d showered or not. _Stay focused dumbass,_ he repeated in his head, but it wasn’t really working since Sanghyuk kept talking.

“Go on kitten, you can bite harder than that.”

“Stop talking,” Jaehwan replied, biting more sharply at his Sir’s neck and earning a quiet hiss. That was _something_ anyway, and it made Jaehwan smile. He did it again in the same spot. And then again.

“Come on kitten, show Sir how well you can do it.”

Jaehwan had been planning to draw this out longer but Sanghyuk was clearly just trying to push his buttons at this point. Rather than melting into a puddle on the floor, because there was something so _ridiculously_ shudder-inducing about Sanghyuk referring to himself in the third person that it always made Jaehwan feel like he was going to keel over, he dropped his hand to Sanghyuk’s crotch. Palming him through his briefs.

He was hard, which was a welcome surprise, since Jaehwan wasn’t entirely sure his attempt at seduction was working. But he felt Sanghyuk’s cock twitch again when he nipped at Sanghyuk’s throat again and that was good. A step in the right direction.

“This is very entertaining kitten, but aren’t you getting tired?” Sanghyuk asked, hands coming out from behind his back and resting on Jaehwan’s waist. Jaehwan was _not,_ in fact, getting tired, and he shoved those hands away, slapping Sanghyuk across the cheek for the second time.

“I told you to stop talking,” Jaehwan snapped, feeling his Sir's fingers slip through the straps of his body suit.

Sanghyuk grinned, a minute grin that was so condescending Jaehwan felt like he’d just die. “I told you, I’m down to switch, but you have to _make_ me. You have to work if you want me to submit.”

Jaehwan grit his teeth. Feeling his body tense, full of a desperate need to- _god damn it_ but he didn’t even fucking know what he wanted anymore. His pulse had begun ringing in his ears.

He’d just wanted to talk to Sanghyuk. That’s why all of this had started. What forced this little plan to start taking shape in his head. Sanghyuk hadn’t been texting him back. Or, he _had,_ he’d answered the goodnight and the good morning messages, but that was it. They hadn’t gotten coffee, Sanghyuk didn’t linger after class to talk to him, barely even looked at him since _that_ day. It had been a miracle Sanghyuk even agreed to let him come over tonight.

_That_ day. Jaehwan had enjoyed it so much, honestly, it had been like slipping into a haze of euphoria he’d never experienced before. He’d noticed the tenseness in Sanghyuk afterward, though, the way his fingers skittered over Jaehwan’s skin just that bit too fast. The way he’d shown Jaehwan out around eleven rather than letting him sleep over like usual. Jaehwan had gone home and jerked off to the memory of Sanghyuk’s cock in his throat until he had no more fluids left to spill. And then again, every night after that.

_That_ day aside, Jaehwan had some weird intuition that it wouldn’t have liked it as much, that it wouldn’t have affected him as much if it hadn’t been Sanghyuk. That wasn’t based on any prior experience but Jaehwan still knew it. He knew he liked this quiet smug undergrad bastard with a boyish smile and hair so soft it was like running his fingers through spider silk. And after many hours of deliberation and two empty fifths of vodka later, Jaehwan realized Sanghyuk didn’t feel the same way about him.

So, this was the only thing Jaehwan could come up with. Throw himself into the kink side of their relationship if Sanghyuk wouldn’t give him the rest of it. He wouldn’t prod Sanghyuk into romance against his will, and he couldn’t explain his feelings correctly. Articulating that felt cheap to him. Like hearing the words spoken allowed would make it sound like he didn’t mean it. So instead of saying any of that, Jaehwan replied, “I just want you to have me, I don’t care if you submit or not.”

Sanghyuk blinked, as if surprised by Jaehwan’s words. The almost trancelike aura around them juttering, like a ripple. The sentence trying to cut through the practiced rhythm that took place in the playroom. This wasn’t how the game was supposed to go, and they both knew it. 

“Talk to me, kitten, remember how important communication is. We’ve been over this,” Sanghyuk said, the gentle note in his voice entirely incongruous. Jaehwan recoiled. He couldn’t help it, just flinching half a step back.

“Don’t do that,” Jaehwan snapped. Not having to force the sharpness into his voice anymore. How Sanghyuk had the balls to lecture Jaehwan on communication after basically avoiding him for weeks. “Just _don’t.”_

He raised his hands to Sanghyuk’s chest and shoved him again, attacking his throat with renewed vigor. Angry now. Whether angry at Sanghyuk or at himself, he genuinely didn’t care anymore. And something he did must have worked because Sanghyuk groaned under his breath.

That was _certainly_ another step in the right direction. Jaehwan pressed up against him, heart rate picking up as his hips stuttered up against Sanghyuk’s thigh. Feeling Sanghyuk’s lips against his ear, breath turning his skin damp, and then trailing across his cheek. Jaehwan didn’t remember when he stopped trying to force blood to pool under the skin on Sanghyuk’s neck.

All that mattered now were his Sirs’ hands on his hips. Those giant fucking hands that made Jaehwan feel so small and delicate, even though he was actually taller than average. He could feel the need for relief simmering under his skin, knowing Sanghyuk would give it to him if he just let go. Let go of this lame attempt at a macho act.

“Tell me, kitten,” Sanghyuk hummed into his hair, fingers weaving through the strands at the nape of Jaehwan’s neck, the other hand plucking idly at one of the straps that comprised Jaehwan’s bodysuit, “What is it that you’re really after?”

Jaehwan swallowed hard, making himself breathe. Letting himself go was always surprisingly easy. Slipping into his submissive headspace was always surprisingly easy. Nothing like forcing this bravado of being in charge. His Sir liked that word. _Headspace._

“Want you,” was all Jaehwan managed to sigh. Locking his lips to Sanghyuk’s. Tasting a spark of mint toothpaste on the edges of Sanghyuk’s teeth. His dick was already hard, aching against his fly. The other little surprise he hadn’t disclosed yet feeling more of a welcome intrusion by the moment.

Jaehwan fiddled frantically with the button on his jeans, allowing himself to be maneuvered back against the playroom bed until he was suddenly airborne. Sanghyuk had lifted him up like he weighed nothing and just tossed him onto the center of the mattress. Jaehwan squeaked in surprise but he didn’t have more than a second to recover because his Sir was on top of him. Pinning him to the bed. Caging him in between those muscly arms.

“Is that why you put this on?” Sanghyuk murmured, pulling one of the straps maybe an inch and letting it snap back into place. A bright stinging jolt of delicious pain buzzing on Jaehwan’s hip. “Trying to be tempting?”

“Yes, Sir.” As easy as falling into bed, falling back into their pattern. Sanghyuk did that little _quirked-lipped-not-smile_ smile and Jaehwan’s heart did a little pitter patter.

“Good boy.”

The jeans may as well have vanished they were gone so fast, exposing Jaehwan’s favorite aspect of the bodysuit. Little garter straps that secured tight around his upper thighs. He’d gone commando and the straps did nothing to lend him any modesty. Body bare for his Sir to examine, do with what he liked. It made Jaehwan feel desirable in a way he’d never experienced before logging on to The App for the first time. The way Sanghyuk’s eyes felt perusing his skin like the page of a glossy magazine.

“Pretty kitten, all wrapped up like a pretty little present.”

It took a very large helping of self-control to stop Jaehwan from purring.

The Robbins egg blue sheets were cool and soft against his back, Sanghyuk catching both Jaehwan’s wrist in one hand and pinning them above his head. Jaehwan bit his lip. “Please, Sir, touch me,” Jaehwan sighed, as if he couldn’t feel Sanghyuk pressed against the entire length of his body.

Movements choreographed, almost a pantomime, Sanghyuk reached down to give Jaehwan’s ass a squeeze. His fingers brushing the base of the plug Jaehwan had made the conscious decision not to tell him about. Those narrow dark eyes widening slightly. Startled.

And _that’s_ when Jaehwan realized Sanghyuk wasn’t going to do it. He hadn’t been planning to actually follow through. This whole routine was just messing around. He wouldn’t do it.

Jaehwan’s heart sank. His excitement died right along with his arousal.

The plug was small enough to be ignored if Jaehwan really, really tried. And he was just strong enough to push Sanghyuk off him. Shimmy back into his jeans and pull his shirt back over his head while Sanghyuk just lay there. Watching him. Like a kid that knew he was in trouble but didn’t know why.

Jaehwan _wasn’t_ going to cry. He was frustrated and his heart was breaking so slowly it was like someone was chipping away at it with an ice pick. But he wouldn’t cry just because Sanghyuk didn’t want to fuck him. That was too juvenile to be contemplated.

“Kitten-“

_“Don’t,”_ Jaehwan snapped. Embarrassed now, at his own presumption. His phone wasn’t in his pocket. Where had it gone? Must have fallen out. He scanned the floor, looking for the little chopper sticker that he’d slapped on his phone case last month. There it was. Right by the mirror.

“Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan snatched up his phone and slipped it into his back pocket. His face felt like it was on fire. The kind of blush that stemmed from mortification rather than being flustered. The straps of his bodysuit feeling suffocating now rather than sexy.

Hands on his back made him flinch. It wasn’t the way Sanghyuk normally offered touch. Hand up. Palm open. Inviting Jaehwan to accept some physical comfort to ground him if he got fidgety or nervous. This was a possessive touch. Like Sanghyuk wanted to force the comfort rather than offer it.

“Talk to me. Don’t run away,” Sanghyuk said, a note of some emotion Jaehwan didn’t recognize in his tone as he trailed Jaehwan out of the playroom. Like an anxious puppy.

That’s exactly what Jaehwan wanted to do. Run Away. Like the immature piece of shit he was.

_“Jaehwan!”_ The tone was worried now, bordering on angry, and the hands on him had changed from possessive to protective. Jaehwan was dragged to a stop. Sanghyuk maneuvering himself around so he blocked the front door.

“Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Jaehwan just blinked, mentally tying twine around himself the way people wrapped up a roast before putting it in the oven. Trying to stop himself from falling apart.

The hand cupping his cheek almost broke him.

“You come in here and push me around, and then flip it on me, and look at me like I just stabbed you in the back! And now you’re just gonna storm off?” Sanghyuk's voice had gone high, almost flitting into baby talk at the end, and it made Jaehwan wince.

“I hate you.”

Sanghyuk froze.

“You should have told me the fucking truth. You should have told me that mixing kink and romance was too much for you. Then none of this would have ever happened.” The words came out even, no shouting or angry tears, which was a blessing. Jaehwan didn’t really hate Sanghyuk, not _really,_ but he did in that moment. The fucking mixed signals and unrequited feelings. He hated Sanghyuk and hated himself and hated the fact that he could get a guy to hit him for pleasure but still couldn’t be loved.

“It’s _not_ too much for me! I never lied to you!” Sanghyuk exclaimed, defensive, hurt. Jaehwan wanted to punch him.

“You lied to _yourself,_ Sanghyuk. You categorized me the moment we fucking met. Playmate. Full stop. I know you’ve been trying to act like a boyfriend, and I appreciate it, but you-“ Jaehwan stopped. He didn’t know what he wanted to say. Something about Sanghyuk not liking to touch him outside the playroom, the soft sound of his voice when he’d called Jaehwan ‘baby’, the way he adored the feeling of Sanghyuk’s kisses on his forehead. None of that came.

Jaehwan slouched in on himself like a child. Eyes on the ground. “Move please, let me out.”

Sanghyuk reached out to him again, searching his face, Jaehwan could feel his eyes. _Don’t touch don’t touch don’t touch,_ Jaehwan chanted in his head, but Sanghyuk’s fingertips brushed under his chin Jaehwan snapped, _“Red!”_

Jaehwan drove home in silence, no energy left to turn on the radio for the ten minutes it took to get to his own apartment building. Cheaper than Sanghyuk’s. He wondered, not for the first time, where the fuck Sanghyuk got all his money for his fancy playroom and nice place and matching set of dishes. The nice stuff niggled at the back of his mind. How did Sanghyuk make money?

It didn’t fucking matter at this point. Jaehwan parked and locked his car, climbed two flights of stairs and walked into his shitty apartment. Went into his boring bedroom, stripped out of the stupid bodysuit and removed the plug with a little wince. Then he shamefully jerked off to a picture Sanghyuk had sent him, a mirror pic, shirtless with the waistband of his sweatpants rolled so they were slung extra low on his hips.

And then Jaehwan cried, exhausted and spent, letting his turbulent emotions be soaked up by his pillow.

He’d go to a club tomorrow night. Get drunk and give it up to the first guy that looked at him twice. Then he could move on with his life and stop feeling like such a child.

⟻---------------⟼

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 8:29 pm**

_‘Jae come back, i want to talk this through with you’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 8:32 pm**

_‘Im sorry, i dont understand whats going on but im sorry for hurting you’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 8:57 pm**

_‘Baby just talk to me’_

*** 2 MISSED CALLS FROM <3 Sir <3 ***

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:13 pm**

_‘Jaehwan pick up your phone, i want to make sure you made it home safe’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:20 pm**

_‘Will you just answer me? Just tell me ur ok?_

*** 1 MISSED CALL FROM <3 Sir <3 ***

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:36 pm**

_‘Alright i’ll leave u alone. See u in class tomorrow.’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:37 pm**

_‘Goodnight’_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Jaehwans bodysuit](https://darkestfox.com/products/alexei-bondage-harness-bodysuit)


	6. Vulnerable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire chapter this evening lolololol I was trying to take a break from writing soft kenbin and then this turned soft as well and I don’t know what's wrong with me lolol
> 
> *unbeta'd but I did use spellcheck at least lolol

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 4:39 pm**

_‘Why weren't you in class today?’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 4:42 pm**

_‘Are you sick? If you are, do you need anything?’_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 4:57 pm**

_‘Jae?’_

Jaehwan set down his phone after reading Sanghyuk’s texts for the fifteenth time, still deciding not to answer.

He’d skipped class. He was burned out and exhausted and in the middle of an existential crisis. Having to go sit in a cramped room with the guy who was slowly breaking his heart for two hours and probably get cornered afterwards didn’t sound like the way he wanted to spend his day. So Jaehwan skipped class. Sue him.

Going back to resolutely ignoring his phone, Jaehwan dabbed a bit of BB cream on his forehead, attempting to disguise a pimple that had sprung up at the most inopportune time. Probably from stress. He blended as best he could and then patted a bit on his under-eye circles, now roughly two shades darker than normal. Setting the compact down, Jaehwan squinted at his reflection in his grimy bathroom mirror. When did everything in his apartment get so messy? He didn’t look great, he decided, but still relatively fuckable. He’d certainly looked worse.

Several rapid knocks on his front door made Jaehwan jump a bit. He finished off with a dash of tint on his lips, adjusted his cut-offs as he walked out of his bathroom, and flipped the lock open.

“You have never looked more like a stereotypical gay than you do right now,” Hakyeon said, crossing his arms and eyeing Jaehwan from head to toe.

“You told me to wear this.” Jaehwan tried in vain to tug the hem of his stupid cropped t-shirt down but his best friend slapped his hands away. “I know, I'm so proud,” Hakyeon hummed. Jaehwan barely had time to grab his wallet before he was yanked over the threshold, the front door slamming loudly behind him.

Jaehwan didn’t go to clubs often. He never went to them, actually, since being packed into a dimly lit sardine can with a bunch of drunken strangers didn’t seem at all appealing. But his best friend loved clubs, and there was nobody he wanted at his side in that sort of situation more than Hakyeon. Hakyeon, who could effortlessly flirt his way past any bouncer or to the front of any line, who exuded so much confidence that it outshined everyone within twenty feet of him, who somehow managed to make even the sluttiest dance look elegant. In essence, the exact opposite of Jaehwan.

“This guy really has you fucked up, huh?” Hakyeon asked, once they were nestled in the back of an uber and on route to their destination.

Jaehwan hung his head in shame. “Yeah, it- it sucks,” he replied morosely, wishing they could talk about literally anything else. Hakyeon patted his arm. “I mean, Sanghyuk is a good guy. I’m still not clear on exactly why he’s driven you to the point of willing social interaction.”

“You _know_ him?!” Jaehwan exclaimed, his rise in volume earning a glare in the rear view from their middle-aged driver. Hakyeon shrugged, as if he hadn’t just given up incredibly important information. “Sure. My sub gave him as a reference, and we got coffee.”

“You’re _what?!”_

His friend let out a labored sigh. “I’ve been on The App a lot longer than you, sweet child,” he replied, flashing a wicked smile and pinching Jaehwan’s earlobe. Jaehwan’s head was still spinning. “But you- you got coffee with him? Did you do anything else with him? When was this?!”

“Relax, you’re going to give yourself an aneurysm,” Hakyeon murmured, petting Jaehwan’s hair like he was an overexcited puppy. “And to answer in order, yes, no, and about a month ago.”

Jaehwan blanched. “Did he say anything about me?!” he whisper shouted, trying to avoid another death glare from the driver. “Not really, I told him we were friends and he said it was good to know that you had someone close who was also into kink. I think he assumed I was like your bdsm spirit guide or something.”

“Oh _god,”_ Jaehwan whined, mortified at the very thought. He hadn’t actually talked to Hakyeon about anything that had gone on between him and Sanghyuk. It didn’t seem like the type of thing you shared.

“Don’t worry so much, that's always been your problem,” Hakyeon replied, dropping a comforting arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders and giving him a squeeze, “It’s your night off.”

Roughly twenty minutes later, Jaehwan and Hakyeon had somehow managed to finesse their way passed the line of scantily clad college students- Jaehwan took no credit for that, Hakyeon had done all the work- and were now standing next to the bar in Hakyeon's favorite club.

The place was just as loud as Jaehwan had been expecting, intermittent strobes of red and blue lighting up the darkness just enough to be able to make out the faces of the people around them. They’d each done two shots of birthday cake flavored vodka as a warmup, the flavor of which had made Jaehwan want to puke all on its own, and had moved on to their regulars; a mojito for Hakyeon and a vodka cranberry for Jaehwan.

Glancing out at the mass of people with heavy base pounding in his ears, Jaehwan was overcome with the realization that he’d made a mistake. He felt sufficiently loosened up and his mind had taken on that pleasant buzzy feeling that came along with being mildly tipsy, but he didn’t want to be there. Rather than giving him confidence, the outfit just made Jaehwan feel ridiculous, and staring at nothing while his friend chatted up a cute blonde girl right next to him wasn’t how he’d envisioned the night going.

Jaehwan turned back to the counter with a sigh and ordered two more shots, knocking them back before Hakyeon had time to notice. “Will you fuck me?” he blurted, absolutely unprompted as he tugged his friend away from the girl to get his attention.

Hakyeon let out a peel of laughter that was clearly audible, even over the music. “I love you, Hwannie, you know that, but I don't want to ruin our friendship,” he replied, pinching Jaehwan’s cheeks. Jaehwan slumped and released him, trying to ignore Hakyeon’s continued giggling. Jaehwan hadn’t actually thought he would do it, but the rejection still stung even if Jaehwan didn’t care. He prodded his friend back over to the girl, signaling for another shot.

“That’s gotta hurt, but your straightforward attitude is admirable. Sorry he turned you down.”

Jaehwan’s eyes swiveled around to the guy standing on his other side. Same height, black hair, more pretty than handsome but Jaehwan had never really preferred one over the other. And very nice lips.

“That’s my best friend, and it was a joke,” Jaehwan replied, polishing off his fifth shot of the evening and starting back in on his cocktail. Keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the shiny glass. Jaehwan was not the most accomplished flirt and the room was looking hazier by the moment.

“Even so, can I buy you a drink? Or... a shot, since you seem to like those better?”

Oh _god_ he was being chatted up. Or picked up. Or hit on. Jaehwan didn’t even know what he was supposed to call it, but he’d get nowhere if he kept ignoring everyone all night. He turned back to the guy and flashed what he hoped was a pretty smile. “Sure, thanks.”

⟻---------------⟼

Sanghyuk had given up studying for the night and had just collapsed on his couch with a full bag of chips when his phone buzzed.

**Hakyeon:**

**Received at 11:15 pm**

_‘Come collect your man, he’s getting sloppy with a stranger’_

“For fucks sake,” Sanghyuk grumbled to no one in particular, pushing himself to his feet with a groan.

**You:**

**Sent at 11:16 pm**

_‘Where? And why?’_

**Hakyeon:**

**Received at 11:16 pm**

_‘Club on the corner of fifth and vine, and I assume cuz he’s trying to get dick’_

**You:**

**Sent at 11:16 pm**

_‘Why the fuck’_

_‘Actually, I don’t want to know. Im on my way.’_

Sanghyuk glanced down at his pajama bottoms and white t-shirt. He’d have to change if he had any hope of getting inside to _collect his man._ Maybe Hakyeon would bring Jaehwan out? Probably not though, if Jaehwan was with someone else.

“Fuck,” Sanghyuk repeated, louder and more vehemently this time.

He still had no clue what was going on, running through the short timeline in his head as he hurried into his room to find something to wear.

Jaehwan had come over, made an attempt to be in charge that had honestly been adorable, showed off his new lingerie, apparently put in a plug without giving any heads up, and then stormed off without giving Sanghyuk a chance to do anything about it. He hadn’t answered any of Sanghyuk’s texts, skipped class, and was now apparently at a club trying to get laid.

The class-skipping thing was what worried Sanghyuk the most. Jaehwan never, _ever,_ skipped class. He’d even shown up when he had the flu. Granted, he’d been wearing two hoodies and fuzzy slippers instead of real shoes, but he’d shown up.

Sanghyuk settled on a branded t-shirt and his nicer pair of jeans, ran a comb through his hair, and stepped into his whitest sneakers. It wasn’t his best look, but he wasn’t going out to meet people. He was going out to rescue Jaehwan. Sanghyuk grabbed his leather jacket and stuffed his wallet in his pocket, keys in hand as he hurried out of his apartment.

This was so stupid. This whole situation was so _incredibly_ stupid. Sanghyuk thought that over and over as he drove to the club Hakyeon said they were at. Luckily it was a club he’d been to before, and he happened to know a guy who worked there as a bouncer part time. Fingers crossed he was working tonight or Sanghyuk would have to wait in line.

Taking a sharp left onto the main drag of their little college town, Sanghyuk couldn’t make himself forget the expression on Jaehwan’s face when he said _‘I hate you’._ Empty and hopeless at the same time, like Sanghyuk had betrayed him in some unknown way. It _hurt._ Sanghyuk had gotten in fights, gone through a shitty breakup or two, fallen down the stairs and broken his nose, but hearing Jaehwan say that had cut really fucking deep.

Sanghyuk had feelings for Jaehwan. He hadn’t _wanted_ to have feelings for Jaehwan, hadn’t _planned_ it that way, wished they would vanish, but he couldn’t deny it. It had put his guard up, the first little tugs on his heart strings. He’d fallen back to his default routine, separate Jaehwan from his daily life, compartmentalize, keep what they did together safely hidden away in his playroom so memories wouldn't hit him randomly every time he got in bed.

And then that thing in the kitchen had happened, and he’d accidentally gotten carried away and slipped with the titles, and the rush of affection for Jaehwan had pretty much smacked him in the face. He’d wanted to take some time off after that, tried to stuff his emotions back into the proper section of his brain. It hadn’t worked. Images of Jaehwan’s blissed out expression floated up every time he so much as _looked_ at the table.

Sanghyuk parked a block away and locked his car, making sure his ID was handy as he thought about the lovely idiot that was his playmate. Jaehwan _was_ an idiot, but he was Sanghyuk’s idiot. Fucking christ, how could he have let Jaehwan in this far?

“Shik,” he called, feeling a tad less anxious at the sight of his friends overly styled hair.

Wonshik looked around and grinned. “Hey!” he called back, preemptively holding out a hand as Sanghyuk jogged up to him.

“Can I skip the line? My- boyfriend is inside and I need to take him home.” Sanghyuk’s tongue had stumbled over the world _boyfriend_ so it left him in an unnatural rush, but it was the best he could do. Sounded better than saying his submissive was throwing himself at strangers, anyway.

“Sure, but I still gotta card you,” Wonshik replied, glancing at the proffered ID before passing it back. Sanghyuk clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks dude, lets hang out soon, yeah?” he asked, flashing a thumbs up at Wonshik’s call of, “I’ll text you.”

The problem with trying to find someone in a club, Sanghyuk thought as he shimmied through the crowd, was that there were too many different spots. Bar, dance floor, bathroom, VIP, lounge-y section, there was just too much going on. He could check the bar and Jaehwan could be in the bathroom, and then be out the door with his stranger before Sanghyuk had finished checking by the DJ booth.

He half contemplated texting Hakyeon to ask, but tossed that idea before it had fully formed. It would be a miracle if he noticed a notification in the midst of all this.

Bar first. Sanghyuk wound his way to the bar, the stuffy air already feeling stifling and his jacket not helping matters. Jaehwan wasn’t there, and neither was Hakyeon. One down, four to go. He checked the bathroom, and neither were in there. They were not in _line_ for the bathroom either. Luckily for Sanghyuk, he was tall enough to see over most of the people as he waded out onto the dance floor, scanning his surroundings for that familiar head of poofy brown hair.

There, in the center and a little to the left. It wasn’t Jaehwan, but Hakyeon, and that was almost as good.

“Hey!” Sanghyuk said loudly, tugging on Hakyeon’s sleeve and accidentally spinning him around. Hakyeon’s smile lit up when he saw who had a hold of him, but for a moment there Sanghyuk was worried he was going to get punched.

“He ditched me,” Hakyeon essentially shouted, yanking Sanghyuk down by the collar so he could talk directly in his ear. “He and that asshole are over on the couches!”

_Gross,_ was Sanghyuk’s first thought, imagining all the sweaty people that had probably dry humped on the couches in question.

“Thank you for texting me, I’m going to take him home,” Sanghyuk replied, freeing himself from Hakyeon’s grip and spinning him back around so he could return his attention to his dance partner.

After more maneuvering and dodging several hands that were moving in his direction, Sanghyuk broke free of the crowd, ending up in the less populated section where the couches were pushed up against one wall. And there was Jaehwan. In a crop top for _god knows_ what reason, straddling some dark haired guy Sanghyuk didn’t know with his head lolling, hands in the guy’s hair and the guys mouth on his neck. _Fantastic._

“Jae!” he called, louder than he’d actually meant to be as he walked around to the side of the couch. Making sure he was in Jaehwan's direct line of sight. Jaehwan’s eyes were closed and he didn’t even blink at the sound of his name, giggling when the guy whispered something in his ear.

“Kitten,” Sanghyuk tried again, forcing himself to sound stern and crossing his arms. Jaehwan opened his eyes then, blinking blearily up at Sanghyuk with a lazy lopsided smile.

“Hi Hyukkie,” he replied, words slurred and ending on another giggle. Sanghyuk narrowed his eyes a little. “I’m here to take you home, kitten.”

“But I’m having fun,” Jaehwan whined, drawing out the word _fun_ so it had like six extra syllables and gracing Sanghyuk with a pout. Sanghyuk pursed his lips so he didn’t accidentally smile. “Yeah, you're drunk. Let’s go.”

“Is he bothering you, cutie?”

The guy had a smooth voice, but it still grated on Sanghyuk’s eardrums, even with the bass boosted so high that the force of it threatened to cave in his skull. Jaehwan giggled again and yanked on the guy's hair. “Yes.”

“Why don’t you fuck off then,” the guy called, shooting Sanghyuk a stupid smirk over his shoulder.

_Alright then._

Sanghyuk took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around Jaehwan’s middle. “I’m his boyfriend, so how ‘bout _you_ fuck off,” he replied coolly, lifting a squealing Jaehwan off the guys lap and setting him on his feet.

“Not my boyf-friend,” Jaehwan grumbled, using Sanghyuk’s shoulder to stop himself from toppling over even as he gave Sanghyuk’s chest a weak smack. Sanghyuk slipped an arm around his waist and led him away from his prospective partner, who now looked downright pissy. “No, but I’m close enough, let’s go.”

Jaehwan smacked at him again, tripping over his giant sneakers a few times before deciding to latch on to Sanghyuk’s front.

“Dance with me?”

“I’ll dance with you at home,” Sanghyuk replied, accidentally slipping a little when Jaehwan’s knees buckled, throwing them both off balance. He sighed, mentally kicking himself in the head for letting this idiot worm into his heart. Then, stooping a little so he could get a good grip on him, Sanghyuk lifted Jaehwan maybe six inches off the ground and carried him the rest of the way to the exit. Trying not to smile when Jaehwan wrapped those skinny arms around his neck and buried that pointy nose in his hair.

They went like that all the way down the block, Jaehwan babbling a string of incoherent nonsense in Sanghyuk’s ear. He’d hooked his legs around Sanghyuk’s waist at some point and was hugging on like a koala, which made prying him off and putting him in the car more difficult than it needed to be. Every time Sanghyuk pulled one limb away, another appeared. Like an inebriated octopus.

“How much did you have to drink,” he asked, buckling Jaehwan into the passenger seat. Jaehwan hummed wordlessly. A hand darted out and fisted in Sanghyuk’s hair when he tried to shut the car door, Sanghyuk wincing slightly at the unexpected tug at his scalp. “Don’ know,” Jaehwan mumbled, closing one eye and squinting good-naturedly.

Sanghyuk sighed for what felt like the twentieth time, freed his hair from Jaehwan’s spidery fingers, and slowly shut the door. Not wanting to accidentally crush Jaehwan’s hand or anything.

He hurried around to the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel, passing his kitten a bottle of water he’d taken from the case in the trunk. Waiting until Jaehwan had finished the majority of it and closed the cap before pulling away from the curb. No spills if necessary. Sanghyuk was already half preparing to stop in case Jaehwan needed to throw up.

“Why’d you- how’d you know where mm was,” Jaehwan asked, the grabby hands returning in full force once he'd put the bottle back in the cup holder. Sanghyuk gave in and let Jaehwan play with his fingers, using the other hand and a knee to steer. It was a small sacrifice, really.

“Hakyeon texted me that you were being sloppy, and I should collect you. So here I am.”

Jaehwan nibbled his lip, Sanghyuk saw, watching out of the corner of his eye. The silence was deafening after the club music and Sanghyuk debated whether to turn the radio on but decided against it. He’d never minded the quiet.

“Mm still mad atchyou.”

“Why?” Sanghyuk asked, feeling Jaehwan tug on his thumb as he made a left turn.

“Cos’ you were just pret- pretending to like me. Don’ wanna see you anymore.”

Somehow finding the slurred speech endearing and hating himself for it, Sanghyuk let the back of his hand rest on Jaehwan’s knee. “I wasn’t pretending, kitten, I do like you. Too much, actually, and it freaked me out. And if you had let me talk yesterday, I would have told you so.”

Jaehwan audibly pouted. Sanghyuk didn’t think that was technically possible but he still _heard_ Jaehwan pouting. “Finish your water please.”

Glad they’d chosen a club only maybe a five-minute drive from his building, Sanghyuk pulled his car into the underground carpark and stepped out to help Jaehwan. “You’ve got mm nice car,” Jaehwan mumbled, squinting suspiciously up at Sanghyuk. “And nice ‘partment. Where’dyou get money?”

“My parents are rich and I'm their only kid,” Sanghyuk replied. Not feeling in the mood to come up with a reason that sounded less annoying. He didn't like people thinking he was pretentious or spoiled, but he guessed Jaehwan probably wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow, so what harm could it do?

Jaehwan nodded sagely, wobbling across the pavement with one foot in front of the other, arms out to either side, like he was trying to walk a tightrope. Sanghyuk smiled against his will. “What possessed you to wear that shirt?” he asked, giving into temptation and scooping Jaehwan up. One arm around his waist and the other hooked under his knees. Delighting in Jaehwan’s squeal of surprise.

“Yeon designed the ‘fit, he said I look very gay.”

“He’s not wrong,” Sanghyuk replied, carrying his kitten bridal style into the elevator and not putting him down again until he had to unlock the door. He fumbled his keys and then they were inside, Jaehwan back hugging him and giving no indication he would let go any time soon.

Sanghyuk waited for Jaehwan to toe off his sneakers and steered them into the kitchen so he could get his kitten some more water. “Drink,” he instructed, turning in Jaehwan’s grip and holding the glass to his mouth. Jaehwan drank obediently enough, that little scrunch appearing between his eyebrows the way it did whenever he drank anything, making it look like he was frowning. _So fucking cute. Unhelpfully cute._

“Good boy,” Sanghyuk said softly, “Bedtime.”

He took the glass back, intending to refill it and leave it on the nightstand in case Jaehwan randomly woke up thirsty, and then guided them down the hallway and into his bedroom. Jaehwan still latched on tight.

“Said you’d dance wit’ me.”

“What?”

“You,” Jaehwan jabbed a finger into the center of Sanghyuk’s chest, “Said you’d dance with me.”

He _had_ said so, although he hoped Jaehwan would have forgotten about it. “Alright, just for a minute. Then bed,” Sanghyuk relented, setting the empty glass down and shifting Jaehwan’s arms up around his neck with very little difficulty.

There was no music and Sanghyuk didn’t bother to turn any on. He swayed back and forth, slow, hugging Jaehwan as tightly as he could without squishing him. He didn't even mind when Jaehwan tried to stand on top of his feet like a little kid. Just lifting him a bit to help. 

“It’s like middle school dance,” Jaehwan hummed, sounding very content as he buried his face in the crook of Sanghyuk’s neck. Sanghyuk chuckled under his breath. “I think they made you stand six inches apart in middle school, no?”

Jaehwan didn’t answer, happily letting Sanghyuk spin them in lazy circles in silence.

It was with reluctance that Sanghyuk eventually let Jaehwan go. He sat him on the edge of the bed and helped him out of the weird outfit, then redressed Jaehwan in his own sweats and a hoodie. With the glass refilled, a trashcan placed on the floor nearby (just in case), and Jaehwan tucked under the covers and lying on his side, Sanghyuk let himself breathe for a minute. Just standing there and watching his drunk playmate doze off in his bed. His heart gave a little pitter patter. 

"Thank you, sir Hyukkie," Jaehwan murmured, snuffling into the pillow.

Sanghyuk bent down and pressed a kiss to Jaehwan’s temple, smoothing his hair off his face and gently brushing his cheek with his thumb.

“Sleep well, baby,” he whispered, making one final check that the covers were all the way under Jaehwan’s chin before walking out of his bedroom as quietly as he could.

Sanghyuk collapsed on his couch and snagged his abandoned bag of chips, turning the tv on low. He wasn’t tired yet and he didn’t want to disturb Jaehwan.

⟻---------------⟼

A few hours later, when Sanghyuk finally returned to his bedroom and climbed into bed, he couldn’t suppress a smile as Jaehwan sleepily turned and nestled against his chest.

That moment made all the earlier worry and frustration worth it. It had been a night well spent


	7. Linger

Jaehwan’s body woke up before his brain did. Creaking and fuzzy and horribly stiff. Every hangover feels like the worst hangover of one's life, and this one was a doozy. He moved on autopilot, barely registering where he was, or the warm body pressed against his own. There was a glass of water and two headache pills nearby (on the nightstand but they could have been hovering in midair for all Jaehwan cared) and he snatched at them. Swallowing the pills and gulping down the entirety of the glass's contents before falling back into a doze, confused memories of a stranger and a fancy car and Sanghyuk’s face swirling behind his closed eyelids.

It may have been an hour later when Jaehwan woke up for the second time. Or maybe three hours. All Jaehwan knew was that the warmth was no longer beside him and the light spearing him from the windows was significantly brighter than before.

Where was he? The room looked vaguely familiar to Jaehwan’s exhausted eyes. Sensible dark wood furniture, a chest of drawers, twin nightstands. The walls were a generic eggshell. Jaehwan tilted his head back to check if there was a headboard and there was; a charcoal grey fabric that looked like it would be soft if he touched it. The bedding was a rich Aegean blue, there was a clock on the wall, and one of those trendy monstra plants on a stand in the corner. It reached almost all the way to the ceiling.

He’d seen all of this before, maybe, but... then it hit him. It was Sanghyuk’s bedroom. Not the playroom. Sanghyuk’s _actual_ bedroom. Jaehwan had only ever been in here once, the first time he’d come to the apartment. He’d taken a shower in the bathroom and avoided the temptation to snoop through Sanghyuk’s drawers.

God, this was _so_ bad.

Jaehwan managed to push himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the deep aches in his chest and shoulders. A hideous monster rose up inside his skull and began bellowing. The glass on the nightstand had been refilled and Jaehwan drained it gratefully.

Memories were coming back. Not everything, and not very clear, but snatches of thought. Like surviving fragments of a burned box of photographs. Very full lips he didn’t recognize, tinted a deep wine red. The smell of leather and blurred stop-light colors. Something about middle school. Hands on him but he didn’t know who the hands belonged to.

Jesus, had he blacked out?! Jaehwan had taken more shots than he reasonably should have, he remembered that much, and he didn’t drink all that often in general. And if he’d been blackout drunk around Sanghyuk, what the hell had he said?! A number of horrifying possibilities flashed in Jaehwan’s mind, but he felt too yucky to process them fully. This was so, _so_ bad.

Reminding himself that he was a semi-functional adult, Jaehwan tried to assess the situation further. He was wearing what he recognized as Sanghyuk’s hoodie, and when he pushed the blankets down, he saw the matching sweatpants. And the clothes he’d worn to the club were folded on top of the chest of drawers. Great. So, he’d stripped at some point. It was just getting better and better.

What Jaehwan really wanted right then was to take a shower. Or just drown himself, either would work. But he figured he owed Sanghyuk at least the courtesy of a ‘good morning’ before making use of his facilities.

With a groan, Jaehwan pushed himself out of bed, nearly toppling over when his headache reared its ugly head again. A shower. Some kind of stimulant. Several years in solitary confinement so his shame could properly compound. That's what Jaehwan needed.

Soft television noises reached Jaehwan’s ears when he opened the bedroom door, crazed anime-villain laughter serenading him as he padded down the hallway. Jaehwan nervously nibbled his lip. He could see the back of Sanghyuk’s head, lovely dark hair all mussed like he hadn’t bothered to comb it after waking up, shoulders slack and feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Hyukkie,” Jaehwan called, dismayed at the croaking of his voice. It sounded like he’d swallowed a rotary telephone.

Sanghyuk startled, whipping his head around and turning halfway in his seat as though he hadn’t heard Jaehwan come in.

“You look like hell and a half.”

“Yeah, and I feel worse,” he replied, sheepishly ruffling the hair on the back of his head. Embarrassment had snuck up on him. Jaehwan knew that he’d most definitely made a fool of himself but the blank expression on Sanghyuk’s face really brought the reality of it home. Jaehwan was utterly mortified.

There was an excruciatingly long pause in which Jaehwan floundered for something to say. He eventually settled on the rather lame, “About last night... I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Sanghyuk replied, getting up and walking toward the kitchen. “You want some coffee?”

He’d abandoned his anime. “Oh, I can get it, just stay,” Jaehwan exclaimed, the pitch of his own voice stabbing at his sore brain. He trailed after Sanghyuk who either hadn’t heard his words or had chosen to ignore them. His large, broad frame seemed unusually hunched.

“Do you remember anything?” Sanghyuk asked, pouring coffee from a percolator into a large grey mug with a picture of a golden retriever on it. He passed the mug to Jaehwan and Jaehwan inhaled deeply before he sipped. Breathing in the electrifying bitter perfume. The bitterness caught him off guard. Cream and sugar...

Jaehwan made up his mind to scoot around to the fridge for some creamer but Sanghyuk was already holding it out to him.

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking the plastic carton and pouring a generous amount into his mug before handing it back. Vanilla sweet cream. It tasted like heaven on his dry taste buds. “And no, I don’t remember much. Just random little things.”

“What kind of things?”

Jaehwan cupped his mug in both hands and stared at it so hard he probably could have scried in its contents. Avoiding eye contact. “Drinking too much, kissing someone, I guess. Stoplights.”

“Do you want me to fill you in?”

A quick nod was all Jaehwan could muster. The temptation to run was very, very strong. It would only be downhill from here.

Sanghyuk cleared his throat, pouring a second cup of coffee for himself. “I can only speak on what I know,” he said, a metal spoon clicking against the ceramic, “but you went to a club with Hakyeon, ditched him to go hookup with an extremely irritating guy, Hakyeon called me to pick you up, and I did. I took you home and put you to bed. That’s it.”

A wave of nausea punched Jaehwan in the stomach and he dropped his mug with a clatter, jogging as fast as he dared to the bathroom in the playroom. He almost didn’t make it, clumsy body still not functioning at one hundred percent. He _almost_ didn’t make it, but he _did,_ knees knocking on the tile floor as he puked up what little his stomach had to offer. Jaehwan didn’t think it was entirely the alcohol's fault.

Once the retching had subsided, Jaehwan flushed and stood on very shaky legs. It had actually made him feel a bit better, the gross factor aside.

He’d thought he was alone but a glance in the mirror told him otherwise. Sanghyuk took up almost the entire doorway. A washcloth clutched in one of his large hands. Jaehwan turned to face him, trying to remember where he left his toothbrush as Sanghyuk dabbed at his mouth.

“It’s in your aftercare kit.”

“What, are you a mind reader now?” Jaehwan grumbled, attempting to walk past him into the playroom and failing. Sanghyuk hadn’t moved. “Deductive reasoning. And we need to talk.”

“Can I at least brush my teeth first?!”

Jaehwan knew he sounded snappy, but he didn’t care. He was growing increasingly self-conscious. Sanghyuk stares at him for a moment longer and then stepped aside. Arms crossed.

It only took a few seconds of rummaging in the duffel bag he’d left here after their first session for Jaehwan to find his toothbrush case. He felt Sanghyuk’s eyes on the back of his head the entire time. And he continued to feel them as he brushed his teeth, then brushed them again, and finally splashed some cold water on his face. It helped a bit, at least Jaehwan felt more awake.

“Okay, we can talk now. But do we have to talk in the bathroom?” he asked, placing his toothbrush back in its holder.

“Yes. We do.”

_Weird._ Jaehwan caught Sanghyuk’s eye in the mirror but he didn’t ask why.

“Take the sweatshirt off.”

Jaehwan took the sweatshirt off. Pulled it up over his head and clutched it to his bare chest like the bundle of soft cotton was a shield.

Sanghyuk nodded pointedly at the mirror. Jaehwan looked. Really _looked_ at his own reflection for the first time since waking.

Oh. That was _bad._ Jaehwan felt like there was a record skipping in his brain now, _thats bad- thats bad- thats bad,_ it was the only thing he was able to think. Fresh hickeys decorated his collarbones and the right side of his neck. Big, sloppy red splotches marring his skin. And a bruise that looked suspiciously like a handprint was pretty low on his hip. He could make out the spots where the person's fingertips had pressed extra hard.

Jaehwan clapped a hand over his mouth and shut his eyes. He couldn’t talk. The right words were escaping him, every reasonable thought had been shoved out of his mind by a wave of vicious regret. And then Sanghyuk’s words from the kitchen finally sunk in. _‘Ditched him to go hook up with someone’._

Had he done it? Had he finally slept with someone but had been too fucked up to remember? What would that mean? What _did_ that mean?!

Hot tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he furiously wiped them away. Later maybe, when he had taken a several-hour-long shower and was alone in the safety of his own apartment. But he wasn’t going to cry now. Not after passing out in his Sir's bed and then throwing up in front of him.

“You understand that you broke our contract, right?”

It was hard to imagine this getting any worse, but it just kept going.

Jaehwan twisted around so he could see his back. There was nothing there, no more hickeys or bruises or marks of any kind. Jaehwan didn’t know whether that was a good sign or not. He could stop thinking about his fucking neck.

“I don't-” he stared, then back peddled, “When you said hookup, did I sleep with someone? I remember a guy talking to me but that’s it.”

“Not to my knowledge, but you were definitely headed that way before I picked you up.”

“Shit,” Jaehwan mumbled. The fucking monogamy clause in their contract that _he’d_ insisted on including. That Sanghyuk had followed as far as Jaehwan knew. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t lie, Jaehwan, seriously. Our relationship is built on honesty and communication. You went there looking for sex so don’t pretend it was something else.”

Jaehwan couldn’t look at Sanghyuk, not yet. He had to prepare himself for the hatred he would see on that face he adored. His goddamn headache wasn’t helping matters any. “Okay, you’re right, I did do that. But I had no intention of ever coming back here. The contract was void in my mind. It was over. We were over, whatever _we_ were.”

That was only half the truth, but it seemed like the best route to take if this situation could possibly be salvaged. Plausible deniability. Or, no, not that. What was the term? Jaehwan could think properly, there was too much happening at once. Not breach of contract either. Termination. That was it. Whole lotta’ good knowing the proper terminology would do him at this point. 

“You know,” Sanghyuk said, his tone painfully flat and conversational, “I know you most likely don’t remember, but last night I told you how I felt about you. Or that I had feelings for you anyway.”

Jaehwan stared at the silver tap to the right of the faucet, nibbling his lip. He desperately needed Sanghyuk to shut up, but he was neither brave nor rude enough to say so. And Sanghyuk just kept talking.

“But I’ve had quite a lot of time to think this morning. It doesn’t really matter how I feel if you aren’t mature enough to have a relationship.”

“Not _mature_ enough?!” Jaehwan exclaimed, a little manic laugh startled out of him as he finally turned around. The counter was cold against his lower back and Sanghyuk’s gaze was hot on his face. “I’m three years older than you! You're barely legal to drink, don’t talk to me about being immature!”

Sanghyuk cocked his head minutely. Eyes narrowed. “You didn’t get your way _one time,_ so you decided to drop me and go running off to fuck a stranger. Does that sound mature to you?”

It didn’t, but Jaehwan wasn’t ready to admit that yet.

“I don’t owe you anything,” Jaehwan snapped, a sudden spike in his temper only spurred on by the hangover. “If I want to drop you then I’ll drop you!”

Something cracked in Sanghyuk’s stern facade then. Something base. Jaehwan _saw_ it crack and the sight of it put him on instant alarm. He looked horribly, painfully young.

“Have you ever thought about how this makes _me_ feel?” he asked, sincere, “You’ve only ever wanted me for sex. I know you’ve convinced yourself that- fuck I don’t know, that bdsm will help you achieve self-actualization or something, but... You never really wanted to get to know me. You never really wanted a genuine relationship or partnership or whatever. All you wanted was for someone to fuck you and our arrangement probably seemed like an easy way to get that.”

“I-” Jaehwan started, but Sanghyuk cut him off. “No. It doesn’t matter how much I care about you. I don’t like being used. For sex or otherwise.”

A pause. A very long pause in which Jaehwan tried to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. Because he _hadn’t_ actually thought about how him constantly asking for sex would make Sanghyuk feel. If he had, Jaehwan would have assumed it would be a compliment! Make Sanghyuk feel desirable! A self-esteem booster if nothing else! This option wouldn’t ever have presented itself to him! He didn’t like this option at all!

“You wanna drop me? Then delete my number and get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“No! That’s _not_ what I meant!” Jaehwan replied, wringing his hands frantically so the hoodie dropped to the floor. “I mean- it was in the beginning maybe, but I like you a lot and I don’t want to make you feel like I’m using you! That was never my intention!”

The foreign marks on his neck had begun to itch. He didn’t want them there, didn’t want to see them, sloppy imprints of a person whose name he didn’t know.

“Wasn’t it?” Sanghyuk asked, flatly disbelieving now. Jaehwan wanted to hug him but that seemed less than advisable at the moment. Instead, he scratched at his neck. Lightly at first, but knowing the marks were there made him want to scratch until he could peel them away. Erase all traces of that stranger so he was whole again, so he was purely Sanghyuk’s again.

He was dizzy and his arms felt weak. After-effects of alcohol and lack of food. “No, it wasn’t. I was upset but I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings and I’m sorry for acting like such a brat and I’m sorry about last night and if I could go back in time I would have never gone to the club or stormed out on you and I’m- I’m _so_ sorry!”

“Do you want to be with me? Do you want to keep doing this?” The question really shouldn’t have caught Jaehwan off guard, considering everything else that was going on, but it did. And there was only one answer for him. If his feelings for Sanghyuk were truly returned, and if Sanghyuk was willing to forgive his contractual fuck up, the only answer was, “Yes.”

“Why.” A statement not a question.

“Because,” Jaehwan hiccupped, “You let me sleep in your real bed. And I’m sorry. And I think I love you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

And just like that, Sanghyuk’s arms were around him and Jaehwan felt his body relax. His limbs softened, going entirely pliant, barely noticing that Sanghyuk had lifted him and sat him on the counter. Nothing mattered but the fact that Sanghyuk was kissing him, warm and solid and present against Jaehwan’s front. Even if Sanghyuk hadn’t explicitly forgiven him, he’d still accepted Jaehwan.

“Help me,” Jaehwan mumbled, his fingers tracing the hem of Sanghyuk’s t-shirt. Sanghyuk licked into his mouth, barely, just enough to run his tongue along the edge of Jaehwan’s top teeth. Probably tasting leftover toothpaste.

“How? How can I help you?”

Jaehwan let his head fall to one side, little puffs of Sanghyuk’s breath hot and fanning across his mouth. “Fix these.” He gestured at his neck. “Make them right. Make them yours.”

A short exhale was all the time Sanghyuk took to make up his mind. Then his parted lips were pressed against Jaehwan’s tender skin. It hurt a bit, he was over-sensitive, but Jaehwan had always liked the hurt. That was why he ended up there after all.

“Oh,” he breathed, leaning back against the cool mirror. Sanghyuk’s mouth was moving lower. Leaving a trail of lovebites down the column of his throat and across his chest. Covering up all the reminders the stranger had left behind. And the handprint, Sanghyuk was taking care of that too. Gripping Jaehwan’s hips so hard that Jaehwan squeaked. Sanghyuk’s hands were much larger.

“Is this better, kitten?” Sanghyuk murmured. He nosed playfully at the underside of Jaehwan’s jaw, palms now flat against Jaehwan’s lower back.

“Exponentially.”

Sanghyuk chuckled, soft, nipping at Jaehwan’s earlobe. “Good.”

Jaehwan let his eyes fall shut. Another flash of memory, significantly blurrier than the others but he didn’t think he’d imagined it. “Did we dance?” he murmured, Sanghyuk’s hair tickling his cheek.   
  


“We did. You insisted,” Sanghyuk replied. His voice sounded fond and when he raised his head, Jaehwan saw that fondness mirrored in his lovely, sparkly eyes.

“I’m sure you must have wanted to dance too; you wouldn’t have let me if you didn’t want to.”

“You’re right, I did want to, a little bit.” Sanghyuk carded a hand through his hair, tipping Jaehwan’s head up and kissing him gently on the lips. Jaehwan’s body temperature was rising steadily. He plucked at the fabric of Sanghyuk’s shirt. “Why?”

Sanghyuk smiled. “Because I think I love you too, kitten.”


	8. Ravish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while......

**You:**

**Sent at 9:40 am**

_'Good morning sir'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:43 am**

_'Good morning kitten.'_

_'Did you sleep well?'_

_'And do you know what today is?'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:46 am**

_'Ya I overslept a bit actually'_

_'And,,,, it’s Thursday?'_

_'Right?'_

_'Time is an illusion'_

_'We all just exist in chaos'_

_'Days of the week aren’t real'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:50 am**

_'It is Thursday, you’re right. But it’s also something else.'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:51 am**

_'Wat?'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:51 am**

_'Hmm...'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:52 am**

◉_◉

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:53 am**

_'Just come over when you’re done with class tonight.'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:54 am**

_'Ur not gunna tell me r u'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:54 am**

_'Nope.'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:55 am**

_'Siiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrr'_

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:55 am**

_'No.'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:56 am**

_'Can u hear me pouting'_

_'I hope u can'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:56 am**

_'Loud and clear, do good in school today.'_

**You:**

**Sent at 9:57 am**

(づ￣ ³￣)づ

_'I wuv u'_

**< 3 Sir <3: **

**Received at 9:57 am**

_'Love you too, kitten.'_

⟻---------------⟼

Jaehwan didn’t bother packing an overnight bag. He was so used to this routine by now and was spending so much of his time at Sanghyuk’s apartment that everything he’d need for a sleepover was already there. Clothes, toothbrush, aftercare kit, he even had a spare sketchbook that now permanently lived on Sanghyuk’s desk.

It just so happened that Jaehwan had late classes that day, so not needing to lug around an extra bag was a blessing. And they were his own classes, not just classes he was TA’ing, so he’d actually had to focus. His hands were a bit cramped after sketching with charcoal for like six hours straight, and his back wasn’t the happiest it’d ever been, but Jaehwan was still bubbling with excitement.

He always felt like that on the way to his Sir’s house. Jaehwan’s spine tingled, skin just on the edge of breaking out in goosebumps. A sense of expectancy growing with each step he took. It hadn’t gotten old yet, the nervous anticipation for what was to come. Jaehwan didn’t think it ever would.

By some miracle, the elevator in Sanghyuk’s building had been mended since Jaehwan had been there last (so sometime within the past two days). Jaehwan thought it was a good sign. An auspicious start to the evening.

Jaehwan unconsciously bounced on the balls of his feet as the elevator began to move, carrying him upwards. Staring unfocused at the doors shiny metal interior. He still had no idea what day it was, or why a Thursday was supposed to be significant.

At some point, or more specifically, after Jaehwan’s disastrous clubbing attempt, he and Sanghyuk had started dating. Tentatively. Casually. Nothing extravagant or over the top, they simply spent more time together outside of the playroom. They went to the movies together, got food together, studied together, even went on a picnic once. Just easy stuff. Comfortable, low pressure stuff. It was a development that made Jaehwan’s heart swell with joy each time he thought about it.

“Hyukkie?” he called, knocking softly on the front door. Normally Jaehwan would go in, put on his collar, and kneel in the little foyer until Sanghyuk came to collect him, but the door wasn’t unlocked today. Plus, no playtime had been mentioned so the _sit and wait_ routine wasn’t a necessity.

The door opened faster than Jaehwan had been expecting, hand still raised halfway.

Sanghyuk looked down at him, not quite _beaming,_ but his boyish smile was definitely wider than usual. His black button-up was untucked and a bit oversized, dark wash jeans of a skinnier, more skater-boy variety than he normally wore, but his hair looked as soft and fluffy as ever.

“Kitten,” he hummed, and then Jaehwan was being pulled inside, Sanghyuk’s hands on his shoulders steering Jaehwan in the direction of the living room.

There were _balloons._ Only a few, but enough to mildly alarm Jaehwan. Had he forgotten Sanghyuk’s birthday?! But, no, Sanghyuk’s birthday was in the summer. And it was very much winter. Had Jaehwan forgotten his own birthday?!

“Happy anniversary, Jaehwanie.”

Jaehwan went cold. His limbs just froze up at the sound of those words. “What anniversary?”

The question had been asked in a timid, quiet voice, Sanghyuk’s arms coming around his middle in a loose hug. God, but he looks so _ridiculously_ happy. “Six months since our first playdate. Nothing too special, don’t worry, I just like keeping track of these things.”

“You do?”

Sanghyuk nodded, keeping Jaehwan against him with one arm and taking his phone from his pocket. He clicked around for a moment, Jaehwan slowly thawing out, and then showed Jaehwan the screen. It was one of those day-counting apps.

There were a few event’s that Jaehwan skimmed over, _‘Started college’, ‘Moved into my own apartment’,_ that type of thing. Another highlighted in blue caught his attention. _‘Stopped meds’._ Jaehwan didn’t know what kind of meds they were and didn’t know if Sanghyuk stopped taking them on his own or was told to do so, but it seemed impolite to ask. And he’d apparently been off them for 478 days so perhaps it was better to leave that in the past rather than bring it up. If Sanghyuk wanted to share with him about it then he would.

Two events though, pastel pink ones, made Jaehwan’s heart pitter-patter.

_‘First session with Kitten - 182 days’._

_‘Told Jaehwanie I love him - 117 days’._

“How are you such a cute person?” Jaehwan asked, a smile spreading across his own face now. Little things like this, displays of Sanghyuk’s softer side, always baffled Jaehwan. How he could so effortlessly fit the Sir role and the Boyfriend role simultaneously.

Sanghyuk shrugged. Almost a shy shrug, actually, pressing a chaste little peck to Jaehwan’s cheek. “It’s a talent I was born with,” he replied, adding as an afterthought, “We should eat.”

⟻---------------⟼

They _did_ eat. Not pizza like Jaehwan had been hoping, but rather scrambled eggs with sautéed veggies and avocado toast. A choice of meal that indicated to Jaehwan what type of activity Sanghyuk had planned for later.

But the _later_ never came. Or, it hadn’t come yet, and the two of them had already finished the first Avengers movie and were halfway through Age of Ultron. It was enough time for Jaehwan to guess he had been wrong about Sanghyuk’s plans, mostly forget about them, and cozy up inside one of Sanghyuk’s hoodies with no wish to remove it until the next morning.

Jaehwan was sprawled out lengthways on the couch, nestled against Sanghyuk’s chest with one of Sanghyuk’s arms flung casually around his shoulder. Sanghyuk himself was slumped on the armrest with his chin propped on his palm, one foot on the floor, the other leg squished between Jaehwan’s body and the back cushions. Jaehwan thought they probably resembled a pair of tangled, lanky, nesting dolls.

“You awake still?” Sanghyuk murmured, his thumb idly toying with the neck of Jaehwan’s hoodie.

Jaehwan hummed in ascent. He raised his arms and stretched, the back of his head accidentally knocking into Sanghyuk’s chin, his spine cracking in three separate places. “Mhm. Are _you_ awake still?”

A soft chuckle slightly muffled by Jaehwan’s hair. “Yep.”

With a noise somewhere between a snuffle and a grumble, Jaehwan maneuvered himself around so he could look up at Sanghyuk’s face while staying horizontal. “Are you bored?”

“No. Are _you_ bored?”

Jaehwan shook his head, momentarily distracted by a very loud explosion thundering from the TV’s surround-sound speakers. Sanghyuk hadn’t changed clothes yet, one of the shirt buttons sliding against Jaehwan’s cheek each time he moved.

When his attention refocused, Jaehwan found that Sanghyuk was smiling at him. A small, undeniably fond smile that sent Jaehwan’s insides purring with contentment. “I love you, sir.”

“I love you too, kitten.”

Jaehwan closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. Sanghyuk’s arm was around Jaehwan’s middle now, the younger of the pair tracing nonsense patterns over the elder’s stomach with his fingertips.

_This is my safe place,_ Jaehwan thought, centering his awareness on his Sir’s fingers. The sensation was muted, hoodie fabric stopping skin-on-skin contact, but not enough to obscure it completely. Down the center of Jaehwan’s stomach, outlining his obliques, then along the divot of his hip. Over the very top of his thigh. Casual, featherlight touches that almost tickled.

Sanghyuk’s fingers grazed a hair too close to his groin and Jaehwan’s legs fell open automatically. Pushing up against his hand, pushing into the unexpected touch. His body communicating that he was Sanghyuk’s, only Sanghyuk’s, whenever Sanghyuk wanted him. Jaehwan hadn’t needed to say so out loud. It was his unspoken truth. The thought didn’t even alarm him anymore.

Jaehwan felt Sanghyuk still. Muscles going momentarily tense, hand no longer moving. Not pulling away, though. His Sir’s fingertip remained where it was. Jaehwan kept his eyes shut.

“Kitten...”

“Yes, sir?” Jaehwan sighed, nibbling his lip. That feeling of anticipation from earlier had come surging back with a vengeance.

A pause.

“Do you want me to make you feel good?”

_Oh,_ his voice had dipped to that husky, half-rasp. Jaehwan reacted to it on instinct, a shudder running down to the tips of his toes. “Yes, sir.”

Sanghyuk lifted Jaehwan a bit and helped the elder move, Jaehwan settling back down now straddling Sanghyuk’s lap. The movie playing in the background was entirely forgotten.

Sanghyuk cupped Jaehwan’s cheeks, then ran his thumb across his bottom lip. He let his fingers trail lower to Jaehwan’s neck, down along his shoulders. Over his chest. He shuddered a second time when Sanghyuk’s thumb ghosted over his hip.

“You’re such a good boy,” he hummed, nosing up the side of Jaehwan’s neck, “And so lovely.”

Jaehwan’s face was beginning to heat.

Sanghyuk lay a trail of barely-there kisses up Jaehwan’s throat, along the line of his jaw, up his chin, and then paused again. Speaking so close to Jaehwan that their lips brushed. “Tell Sir what you want.”

A rather garbled, “You, sir,” was all Jaehwan managed, before Sanghyuk’s mouth was on his. He moaned into their kiss, a rare display of frivolity in moments like this, and Jaehwan drank in the sound like it was the sweetest of nectars.

Instead of wrapping his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck like he occasionally would, Jaehwan folded his hands behind himself. Settling them on the small of his back. He’d gotten relatively proficient at anticipating his Sir’s wants and needs, and so he figured the submissive gesture would be appreciated.

He was right. Sanghyuk’s hands immediately fell to Jaehwan’s hips, grip firm, his fingers digging into Jaehwan’s skin where they’d found their way up under the hem of his hoodie. Jaehwan hoped they would bruise.

When Sanghyuk pulled away, Jaehwan allowed his lashes to flutter open. He found that Sanghyuk was staring darkly at him, panting a little and decidedly not looking at Jaehwan’s _eyes_ but rather down at his _body._ There was hunger in that gaze, like Sanghyuk truly was about to devour him. Jaehwan swallowed hard. Once. Twice.

Sanghyuk ducked his head again before Jaehwan had a chance to swallow a third time. The nick of his teeth on Jaehwan’s soft skin pulled a gasp from the elder. Any trace of his previous gentleness had vanished. No more ticklish pecks. Sanghyuk was actively marking him now. Parted lips sealed to Jaehwan’s throat and sucking. _Hard._

Jaehwan let his head loll sideways, fingers twisting behind his back so he didn’t move on accident.

“Playroom,” was murmured against his adams apple, then, “Or bedroom,” on the spot just below his ear. “Pick one.”

It was a question Jaehwan hadn’t been expecting, and one that he wasn’t sure he knew the answer to. Bedroom could mean sleep. Or, Jaehwan supposed, it could mean some vanilla petting that would then be followed by sleep. Playroom- well, _playroom_ could mean any number of things. Tantalizing possibilities drifted before Jaehwan’s mind's eye like a rather debauched slideshow.

“Playroom, sir.”

Sanghyuk hummed in approval and Jaehwan accidentally squeaked, a strong hand sliding under each of his thighs as Sanghyuk picked him up.

Jaehwan was deposited on the playroom bed, lights dim and music on low, roughly thirty seconds later. He stared at the ceiling while Sanghyuk zipped around the room, doing things, gathering items, Jaehwan using the brief respite to try and catch his breath.

And then Sanghyuk was back on him. Pinning Jaehwan roughly down against the mattress. Whatever it was he’d been looking for was now lying on the foot of the bed but Jaehwan wasn’t too bothered about it. His body was burning, Sanghyuk’s tongue invading his mouth, those large hands pressed firmly on his shoulders.

“I _want_ you.”

It was proclaimed with such unflinching surety that Jaehwan nearly recoiled. Not that he didn’t want to hear it, he’d been _praying_ to hear those exact words from Sanghyuk for months now. It just came as a surprise.

By this point, they’d done basically every sexual thing two people could do without actually having sex. Jaehwan didn’t even really mind any more. After hearing how his constant nagging had made Sanghyuk feel, he’d decided to let it go. Sex would happen when it happened, and he would just enjoy the ride. And he had _definitely_ enjoyed the ride. But now it seemed like the ride was coming to an end, or at least Jaehwan’s proverbial roller coaster was reaching its summit, right before the big drop, and he didn’t know how to feel. Excited, yes. Nervous, definitely. Scared... honestly yeah, Jaehwan was a little bit scared.

“I _want_ you, kitten,” Sanghyuk repeated, head cocked sideways minutely. Very clearly waiting for a reply.

Jaehwan stared back at him, pleading wordlessly, not exactly knowing what he should say or how he should say it.

“If you want me to stop… Now’s the time to tell me.”

Jaehwan gulped. “Don’t stop, sir. Please.”

A flash of a grin, a muscle jumping in his jaw, and Sanghyuk kissed him. He bit a little, tugging at Jaehwan’s lower lip, grabbing his ass and swallowing down Jaehwan’s soft gasps. If Jaehwan had been standing, Sanghyuk’s roughness would have had his knees going weak.

Sanghyuk pulled the hoodie off over Jaehwan’s head in one swift jerk. Jaehwan’s arms came back down quickly to cover his chest and his stomach, ashamed when he usually wouldn’t be. His imagination was running wild. Feeling exposed at the thought of what was to come. The sweats he’d been wearing swiftly followed the hoodie, both garments flung abandoned on the playroom floor.

Having Sanghyuk’s full attention sent thrills of pleasure through Jaehwan’s whole body, as it always did. It affected him in a way nothing else could. Somehow managing to make him feel both hot and cold, his cock already half-hard and straining against the fabric of his briefs. Whatever Sanghyuk was seeing as those dark eyes of his bored into Jaehwan, it clearly pleased him.

After a murmur too soft for Jaehwan to hear, Sanghyuk easily untangled Jaehwan’s hands from his shirt (Jaehwan had no memory of fisting the black fabric) and placed them on the bed beside his head.

“Roll over, kitten.”

Jaehwan rolled over obediently, lying on his stomach. Feeling the soft press of the bedspread against his cheek and _more sensitive areas._

A band of something smooth was wrapped around Jaehwan’s neck and he shivered minutely. His collar. Jaehwan hadn't put it on when he came in like he usually would have, so Sanghyuk was putting it on for him. Not his normal collar, not his pretty pink kitten collar. The thicker one. A simple leather band with an O-ring in its center. His play collar.

One by one, Sanghyuk folded Jaehwan’s hands so they crossed behind his back. And, after a bit of shuffling, a pair of leather cuffs were secured around his wrists. Jaehwan knew they were leather without having to see them, the baby blue pair he’d purchased himself that were now softened after countless uses. They closed with buckles, not locks, and they were a comfortable bit of familiarity in what was _very_ new territory.

“Come back.”

Jaehwan rolled over again.

The corner of Sanghyuk’s mouth twitched.

“Spread your legs for me, kitten.”

Jaehwan obeyed without conscious thought, his mind clouded over with lust. Cheeks flushing even darker than they already were as he watched his Sir drizzle lube onto his palm. Rubbing the sticky substance between his fingers to warm it as Jaehwan began to squirm. He couldn’t help it.

And then, for an instant, a deep and overwhelming panic set in and Jaehwan froze. Holding himself perfectly still, stomach churning. This was happening. It was really, _actually_ happening and Jaehwan couldn’t get his mind to properly absorb the fact that this was really going to happen after so long of it not happening. His thought process began to devolve into chaos.

Sanghyuk must have sensed, or more probably saw, his apprehension because he leaned down to look Jaehwan in the eye. His lube-free hand rubbed smoothly up Jaehwan’s side.

“Color?”

“Green,” Jaehwan replied, accidentally hiccupping a little. He was definitely having difficulty breathing.

One finger crooked under Jaehwan's chin, Sanghyuk tilted Jaehwan’s face back up and kissed him softly. “Be honest, kitten. We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable, but you have to talk to me.”

The elder shook his head, resolutely repeating, “Green,” until his Sir relented. Cooing at him and kissing him again.

Jaehwan flat out stopped breathing when Sanghyuk pushed a slick finger inside him, body burning and mind on fire.

Sanghyuk groaned, almost inaudibly, but Jaehwan still heard it. Hypersensitive to everything around him now, and all he could do was spread his legs further apart in response. A few moments to adjust and then the finger was pushed deeper inside him. Then pulled back to the first knuckle. Then in. Then out. Sanghyuk’s free hand flat on Jaehwan’s sternum.

Another finger pressed past his rim, Sanghyuk's free hand sliding down to rest on Jaehwan’s abdomen. Dragging the pads of his fingers bath and forth across the sensitive flesh beneath his hip bone.

And then it wasn’t on his hip anymore. Sanghyuk’s hand skimmed up his body, those fingers now loosely wrapped around Jaehwan’s neck. Precisely where the collar sat. Not quite fully choking him, but not _not_ choking him either.

Jaehwan’s mind buzzed with a cocaine-y, stimulant fizz.

“Sir- Sir, more, _please,”_ Jaehwan whined, knowing he was speaking out of turn, barely able to speak at all with the hand on his throat, but still needing to beg. Because this was good, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted the burn, the ache before the pleasure would inevitably come. He wanted the pain.

“Poor kitten... you can barely take two of my fingers without crying. What makes you think you can take three?”

Jaehwan whimpered.

Sanghyuk was holding his gaze, pretty dark irises so intense it was almost like he was _daring_ Jaehwan to break eye contact. Jaehwan fought the urge to look away. And it was fucking difficult, knowing his Sir was cataloging his every change of expression. The fingers inside him gave an unexpected twist and Jaehwan yelped.

“How does that feel, kitten?”

Jaehwan couldn’t have formulated an articulate response to save his life. Reduced to nothing but a whiny puddle as his Sir stretched him open. Fingers, three of them now, scissoring rhythmically, curling in just the right spots. A bit more pressure on his throat now too. Less air going to Jaehwan’s brain.

“Use your words,” Sanghyuk prompted, pushing in deeper. Jaehwan’s toes curled.

“Good- good, sir...”

It left Jaehwan in a strangled sort of croak, the lack of air leaving him lightheaded and dizzy. Jaehwan honestly had no clue how long the prep lasted. Time had lost all meaning to him. All he knew was that he was stretched enough that he could rock his hips, trying to get Sanghyuk deeper, wanting more, white flash bulbs bursting behind his eyelids each time Sanghyuk’s fingertips brushed his prostate.

A final push and then Sanghyuk sat up, withdrawing his fingers, and Jaehwan gave a small wince. Uncomfortably empty.

“How do you want it, kitten?” Sanghyuk murmured, lazily grazing his nails down the inside of Jaehwan’s thigh. Jaehwan fought to suppress a whine and failed.

“However- however Sir wants to give it to me.”

“Give _what_ to you?” Sanghyuk asked. He settled between Jaehwan’s legs, pressing a kiss to the side of Jaehwan’s mouth. Those lips moving lower against the delicate skin of his throat once more.

Thighs shaking with the effort of staying apart, Jaehwan forced his mind to come up with an answer. “Sir’s cock.”

“What about Sir’s cock, kitten?”

“Want it,” Jaehwan mumbled, eyes still firmly shut, clenching around nothing so his stomach muscles almost began to ache. “Want Sir to give me his cock, fuck me, please.”

A sharp slap connected with Jaehwan’s left cheek and tears sprang to his eyes, because apparently he was incapable of self-control.

“Watch that filthy mouth of yours, kitten, it’s going to get you in trouble.”

Jaehwan blinked very fast, trying to will the tears away. “I want Sir’s cock in me, please,” he corrected.

Despite the slap, Jaehwan couldn’t help feeling bad; Sanghyuk was clearly holding back and Jaehwan didn’t know whether it was for Jaehwan’s benefit or because he didn’t truly think Jaehwan was ready for more.

Once he’d tentatively regained some confidence and he opened his eyes, Jaehwan was able to see just how affected by it all Sanghyuk was. The high planes of his face flushed the slightest bit red and muscles tense. Eyes dark and shining. The sight struck Jaehwan absolutely dumb.

“Get on your stomach, kitten. Now.”

Jaehwan rolled back onto his stomach, making another squeaky noise as Sanghyuk dragged him up by the hips. Ass in the air and cheek pressed into the bedspread. It felt too obscene for comfort, Sanghyuk nudging Jaehwan’s thighs further apart with a knee and settling between them.

Fingers splayed on the small of his back, thumb toying ceaselessly with his entrance, Sanghyuk made Jaehwan wait. Because he knew Jaehwan was always impatient, and there was no worse torture for him than being made to wait and do nothing when the promise of pleasure was within easy reach.

“My kitten is so pretty,” he cooed, watching Jaehwan fidget. Grinning as Jaehwan tried to rock his hips back against his thumb. “Such an eager little boy. Eager to please.”

Jaehwan nodded until the thumb against his rim disappeared. And then, finally, he felt the head of Sanghyuk’s cock push inside him and the pressure simply didn't stop. It continued to build and build and build until it was so overwhelming that Jaehwan choked. Spine arching like a bowstring pulled taut, muscles tense.

“Wait, please, sir- yellow, _wait,”_ Jaehwan rasped, brow furrowed and eyes squeezed shut.

Sanghyuk waited. He didn’t pull away, Jaehwan was hoping he wouldn't, just began rubbing slow circles over Jaehwan’s back.

“That’s only half, kitten. Do you want me to stop?”

_Only half,_ Jesus fucking Christ. “No don’t- don’t stop, just wait.”

His Sir cooed at him, smoothing a hand flat down the side of Jaehwan’s thigh. “Okay kitten, you’re doing _so_ well for me. Such a _good_ boy for me.”

Jaehwan tried to get his breathing under control. In through his nose, out through his mouth, urging his body to relax.

He’d had more than this inside him, Jaehwan was sure. To name only one example, last week Sanghyuk had edged him with a vibrator until he’d literally cried from frustration, and that toy had certainly been sizable. But fingers and plastic and body-safe silicone felt _very_ different from the real thing. Sanghyuk was so hard and so hot inside him, the pressure relentless against all of his walls. And it was _Sanghyuk._ His _Sir._ Not a toy, not his own fingers, it was Sanghyuk’s _actual_ cock and for some unfathomable reason, that fact was almost more overwhelming to Jaehwan than the rest of it.

After almost a full minute, Jaehwan managed to whisper, “Green.”

Sanghyuk stayed still for a beat and then nudged his hips forward. Pushing inexorably forward until he bottomed out. Jaehwan mewled and caught his bottom lip between his teeth. He could feel how his walls were clenching and twitching so desperately around the intrusion, automatically trying to push Sanghyuk out.

“Hang in there, pretty kitten,” Sanghyuk murmured. His breathing was shallow as well now, Jaehwan could hear it.

Sanghyuk drew back until only the head was inside him, and then thrust forwards. Slowly but surely filling Jaehwan up. Then emptying him and filling him again. Jaehwan buried his face in the covers to try and stifle the noises he was making, such a confusion of pleasure and pain that he didn’t know which was winning. Jaehwan was all but sobbing into the blankets.

He wondered what Sanghyuk’s face looked like. What expression graced his features as he fucked Jaehwan into the bed. Oh, but he could see if he wanted. How had he forgotten?

Jaehwan turned his head so his other cheek was against the covers, peering blearily at Sanghyuk in the mirrors that lined the opposite wall of the playroom. And then promptly choked on his own spit. It was like looking through a window into one of his own fantasies. His back was still arched, thighs spread obscenely and knees digging into the mattress. Sanghyuk’s fingertips only an inch from where his hands were restrained. And Sanghyuk was still fully dressed. The contrast against Jaehwan’s naked body was nearly dizzying.

Sanghyuk caught him looking, but Sanghyuk didn’t manage to smooth the furrow from his brow or close his mouth fast enough. Didn’t assume the mask of careful blankness fast enough. Sanghyuk was _feeling_ this even if he was pretending he wasn’t.

A raised hand came down on the side of his thigh, the sudden sting drawing a choked cry from Jaehwan.

“Enjoying the view, kitten?”

Sanghyuk spanked him again, the other hand skimming up Jaehwan’s back and pushing him harder into the bed.

“Y-yes, sir.”

Bending over a little, the movement jostling inside him enough that Jaehwan yelped from pain, Sanghyuk slid a hand into Jaehwan’s hair. He threaded his fingers through the strands and yanked none too gently.

“Wanna watch yourself getting fucked?”

Jaehwan curled his hands into fists where they were secured behind him, brushing tantalizingly close to his Sir’s stomach. “Yes, sir.”

“Fine,” Sanghyuk grunted. He pulled away so quickly that Jaehwan cried out from how it hurt, dragging Jaehwan up by the hair so he was kneeling. His Sir scooted away, positioning Jaehwan exactly how he wanted him. Behind Jaehwan, Jaehwan now facing the mirror.

“Spread ‘em.”

Jaehwan moved as best as he could while staying upright, thighs parted once more. His back to Sanghyuk’s clothed chest, Sanghyuk’s hand still knotted in his hair. Sanghyuk was so broad that he surrounded Jaehwan’s entire silhouette in the mirror.

“Color?”

“Green.”

“Good boy,” Sanghyuk hummed, thrusting back into him with one swift push.

Jaehwan nearly fell over, would have done if it weren't for Sanghyuk’s hand on his hip keeping him steady.

The scene in the mirror was downright indecent in Jaehwan’s opinion. Watching Sanghyuk break him down into his component parts. Able to see just how wrecked he himself looked, fringe stuck to his forehead with sweat, cheeks blushed crimson, chest splotchy, neglected dick curving up toward his stomach and leaking beads of precome. Fuck, but he couldn’t even think properly anymore. The stretch was too overwhelming.

“Does my little slut like when I pull his pretty hair?” Sanghyuk asked, holding Jaehwan’s reflected gaze and tugging. Jaehwan tried to nod and failed, Sanghyuk tightening his grip and keeping his head still.

“Yes- yes sir, so much,” Jaehwan replied, whimpering pathetically as Sanghyuk sped up his pace a little bit.

Jaehwan let himself slip away after that. A soft fog descending over his mind smothering the ability to think. Only feel. Lashes fluttering in an effort to keep his eyes open each time Sanghyuk fucked into him, heat pooling in his belly, trying not to come too fast. Spit dripping down the side of his open mouth.

He could feel Sanghyuk’s mouth on his neck, hear the low little growls of pleasure his Sir made as Jaehwan went more and more pliant for him. Pale stars blooming in his field of vision and muscles going slack each time that most sensitive spot inside him was abused. Sanghyuk spanking him every few thrusts to stop Jaehwan collapsing.

By the end of it, his ass cheeks were burning and most definitely red. Distressed little sounds kept working their way out of him as he struggled to hold onto the pleasure. Not wanting to come until Sanghyuk said he could. It didn’t work.

Jaehwan sobbed as he came, untouched, his stomach sprinkled with sticky white and Sanghyuk’s cock still buried inside him.

“Did I give you permission to come?”

“No, sir,” Jaehwan mumbled, yelping as he was shoved roughly back down onto the bed. By all rights, that slip up should have earned him a punishment, but Jaehwan couldn’t bring himself to care. Body twitching with oversensitivity, brain swimming in oxytocin. And by some miracle, Sanghyuk didn’t push the issue. Probably going easy on him since it was Jaehwan’s first time.

He was half hard again and getting squirmy by the time Sanghyuk finished, slightly erratic thrusts stuttering to a halt, groaning into Jaehwan’s hair. Each pulse inside him making Jaehwan’s stomach muscles tense with aftershocks.

_“Fuck...”_

The curse left Sanghyuk in a sigh. He pulled out slowly, Jaehwan whining at the sensation of being so empty after being so full, feeling wetness drip down the inside of his thighs as Sanghyuk uncuffed him.

As soon as his hands were free, Jaehwan rolled sideways and curled himself into a little ball. He wasn’t sure if he was going to black out or just fall asleep, but Jaehwan’s brain had shut off. No thinking, no more feeling, he didn’t want to feel anything other than warm and cozy. Heart still racing and anxious worry trying to claw up his throat.

Jaehwan always struggled with feelings like this immediately after a scene. Worries that he hadn’t performed well enough, or that he’d just done so badly that Sanghyuk wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. That he’d embarrassed himself, opened up too much, exposed to much raw emotion. That Sanghyuk would think he was weak and pathetic. The feelings never lasted very long, Sanghyuk always proving them wrong, and this evening was no exception.

“You did such a good job, baby,” Sanghyuk murmured, scooping Jaehwan into his arms and cuddling him close. “Was that okay? It wasn’t too much? I’m so proud of you baby, I love you so much.”

Not having the energy or brain power it would take to speak yet, Jaehwan simply nuzzled into the juncture between Sanghyuk’s shoulder and neck. Clinging to the front of his shirt. He swallowed the Tylenol Sanghyuk placed on his tongue, and he managed to take a few sips of water, but anything else was beyond him.

“Lemme clean you up baby, do you want to take a shower or anything?”

Jaehwan shook his head. No standing. No walking. No more moving today, he decided, winding his arms around his Sir’s middle and hugging tight when Sanghyuk tried to stand up.

He got one of those closed-mouth squiggly smiles in return. “Then, can I change clothes, baby? Or do you want me to sleep in jeans?”

Jaehwan squeaked, hopefully conveying his displeasure, but releasing Sanghyuk anyway. He didn’t want his Sir to be uncomfortable.

Sanghyuk left and returned, now in sweats and an old t-shirt. He had a damp washcloth in one hand and fresh clothes for Jaehwan under one arm.

The clean-up process wasn’t exactly _pleasant,_ Sanghyuk wiping the slowly drying come and sweat off Jaehwan’s skin so he wasn’t so sticky. Touching places that were still a bit sensitive, but not in a lusty way, businesslike and quick. And then he gently helped Jaehwan into a hoodie and pair of shorts, tucking them both under the blankets.

“We need to wash this duvet cover tomorrow, don’t let me forget,” Sanghyuk said, enveloping Jaehwan’s spent body in comfortable warmth. Jaehwan grumbled in wordless agreement.

“I love you, baby, so _so_ much.”

Jaehwan managed to muster words in reply to that, meaning them with his whole heart. “I love you too, Hyukkie.”

**Author's Note:**

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